UNPLUGGED & Making Space
I grew up in a small town. Small town, nice people, ironic its name actually is "Niceville". I'm not kidding. My mother and father divorced when i got your years old and life became chaotic. A struggle I largely tried to avoid in my first strides in passive aggressiveness. I'm 3w years old so technology certainly did exist though not to the capacity that we now attempt to coexist in.
I re member the first time I ever "plugged in". My mother was a school teacher at Edge Elementary in.Niceville and I constantly tagged along for her af1ter school meetings and bulletin board creation. It was an apple. Oriental trading. Pac man. Paint. I spent hours perfecting my win strategies. To ignore my homework of course. But it wasnt my fault, the bug had totally bit me.
I was 10 tears old when my mother and I got our first brand new desktop computer. Complete with AOL dial up, a second phone line for it, a lot of dial up white noise a whole lot of addictive solitaire. Thus, the power of the pen made its way to an inevitavable slow death.
- getting our first computer. Mom calling Cox to fix the computer
-making online friends
-aol messaginga1
-finally get a phone
Talk about the actual technology and its haprogression/science.
-what plugged in meant then and what it means now
- My own line at moms house
-what plugged in meant for me as adult
CHAPTER THREE
-Ruined my marriage buy saved my life
Getting into my niche and taking online clasSee
-Jude birth story
CHAPTER FOUR
Starting over
How it took over my life and my plan to change it.
CHAPTER FIVE
Process
Reconnecting with humanity
CHAPTER SIX
Daily Accounts
7.1- Waking up for school and walking
7.2- Meeting friends at the park.
7.4- Navigation
7.6- Scheduling Silence
7.7- Forgetting My Lifes Miracles
7.8- I Can Make My Own Music
7.9- Taking Back Brunching
7.10- I Really Can Fix This Shit
7.11- The Productivity of Doing Nothing
7.12- Self Care Doesnt Have To Be Burdensome
7.13- Career Change
CHAPTER SEVEN
MAKE SPACE ACCOUNTS AND WORKBOOK
Lists
Pics
Workbook
Maps to humanity
MAKE SPACE WORKBOOK: Organization
What Is Integrity and Where Does It Fit In?
According to the Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary, integrity is a firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values.
In order to be a person of integrity we have to live up to the values we hold to be important. (Again notice how subjective this all is—the values we hold to be important.)
With integrity, it doesn’t matter what your values are. It matters whether or not you live up to them.
Integrity is integration between your values and your actions.
So How Are Values and Integrity Connected to Self Esteem?
Society may expect certain things from us, yet we are the ones who choose whether or not we internalize external social values and make them our own.
About six years ago, I was hospitalized for ten days with mild hemiparesis, one-sided numbness in my body. It was one of the worst times of my life. The uncertainty was agonizing. It was that illness that led me to rethink the truths in life and I became exposed to the whole “new age” culture.
There were things there that I was beginning to believe might have some truth in them, yet in my circles, many of those ideas were unaccepted.
I was so insecure that in order for me to feel the answers were right and that my point of view was legitimate, I needed people to agree with me and my way of thinking.
What I have learned over the years was that it is okay for other people to have different points of view, and if I truly believe something is right, in general or right for me, it does not matter what others think. I have begun to trust my own value system and not rely only on what others think.
Each of us has many values. Not all of our values are as important to us at the same time. Things also shift over time.
I try to write down five to ten of my top values every few months. Sometimes they change, sometimes they stay the same. By listing the values that are most important in my life at any given time, I am choosing to focus on them and work on them.
The more important our values, the more they will affect our self-esteem.
Sometimes we have values that clash, not because they’re opposites of each other, but because we can’t honor both at once.
For example, family and work are two of my values, and I find myself working more and having less time for my family. My family wants my attention and pulls at me. I want to feel fulfilled through work and career and that pulls at me.
The more my work value is being fulfilled, the more integrity I have with regard to that value. On the other hand, I am not living my family value with as much integrity as I would like to. When there’s a rift between how you’d like to honor a value, it leads to a loss of integrity.
That loss of integrity is the cause of lowered self-esteem.
If you have low self-esteem, that means you need to go back to your values and reassess how you can rearrange your life to feel like you are living with integrity based on what matters to you.
Is It Really That Easy?
If you’re like me, you might wonder you can possibly live with integrity based on all your varied values.
What helps me is to challenge all-or-nothing thinking. Sometimes it can seem that if you can’t do things right or all the way, it’s a non-accomplishment.
Integrity is built from a pattern of small and consistent actions. Little changes can indeed build into big changes. One step at a time, a little bit each time, really does work magic.
How Can I Work On Living My Values With Integrity?
Know your values
Keep your values at the center of your awareness. Know when you have an internal conflict between values.
Walk the talk. Try to make sure you have integration between your values and actions.
Learn how to give things up
Ask yourself, “What am I really willing to sacrifice?” If you want to start a new career, maybe you need to learn to let other things go. And if you do decide to give things up, do it without feeling bad about it or feeling guilty. It is a decision.
See yourself as a unique person who has many resources.
See yourself as a unique person who has many resources.
Use the words: “I choose to_______” instead of helpless phrases like “I can’t because_________” or “I am like this because of_________”. You have a choice. You decide the circumstances why you can’t do something. Those voices don’t want change. They want to keep the status quo. Evict them.
Be authentic and be assertive. If you don’t want to do something, say you don’t want to do it. Don’t beat around the bush. If something is important, go for it.
Visualize and plan
Know what you want and plan for it.
Self esteem is like a bank account. When you live your values with integrity, you are making deposits into the bank of self esteem. We can be rich or poor. We are the ones who decide how many deposits we make
Self esteem is like a bank account. When you live your values with integrity, you are making deposits into the bank of self esteem. We can be rich or poor. We are the ones who decide how many deposits we make
Self-esteem: Take steps to feel better about yourself
If you have low self-esteem, harness the power of your own thoughts and beliefs to change how you feel about yourself. Start with these four steps to a healthier self-esteem.
Low self-esteem can negatively affect virtually every facet of your life, including your relationships, your job and your health. But you can take steps to boost your self-esteem by taking cues from types of mental health counseling.
Consider these steps, based on cognitive behavioral therapy:
1. Identify troubling conditions or situations
Think about the conditions or situations that seem to deflate your self-esteem. Common triggers might include:
A work or school presentation
A crisis at work or home
A challenge with a spouse, loved one, co-worker or other close contact
A change in roles or life circumstances, such as a job loss or a child leaving home
If you have low self-esteem, harness the power of your own thoughts and beliefs to change how you feel about yourself. Start with these four steps to a healthier self-esteem.
Low self-esteem can negatively affect virtually every facet of your life, including your relationships, your job and your health. But you can take steps to boost your self-esteem by taking cues from types of mental health counseling.
Consider these steps, based on cognitive behavioral therapy:
1. Identify troubling conditions or situations
Think about the conditions or situations that seem to deflate your self-esteem. Common triggers might include:
A work or school presentation
A crisis at work or home
A challenge with a spouse, loved one, co-worker or other close contact
A change in roles or life circumstances, such as a job loss or a child leaving home
2. Become aware of thoughts and beliefs
Once you've identified troubling situations, pay attention to your thoughts about them. This includes your self-talk — what you tell yourself — and your interpretation of what the situation means. Your thoughts and beliefs might be positive, negative or neutral. They might be rational, based on reason or facts, or irrational, based on false ideas.
3. Challenge negative or inaccurate thinking
Your initial thoughts might not be the only possible way to view a situation — so test the accuracy of your thoughts. Ask yourself whether your view is consistent with facts and logic or whether other explanations for the situation might be plausible.
Be aware that it can be hard to recognize inaccuracies in thinking. Long-held thoughts and beliefs can feel normal and factual, even though many are just opinions or perceptions.
Also pay attention to thought patterns that erode self-esteem:
All-or-nothing thinking. You see things as either all good or all bad. For example, "If I don't succeed in this task, I'm a total failure."
Mental filtering. You see only negatives and dwell on them, distorting your view of a person or situation. For example, "I made a mistake on that report and now everyone will realize I'm not up to this job."
Converting positives into negatives. You reject your achievements and other positive experiences by insisting that they don't count. For example, "I only did well on that test because it was so easy."
Jumping to negative conclusions. You reach a negative conclusion when little or no evidence supports it. For example, "My friend hasn't replied to my email, so I must have done something to make her angry."
Mistaking feelings for facts
You confuse feelings or beliefs with facts. For example, "I feel like a failure, so I must be a failure."
Negative self-talk. You undervalue yourself, put yourself down or use self-deprecating humor. This can result from overreacting to a situation, such as making a mistake. For example, "I don't deserve anything better."
Negative self-talk. You undervalue yourself, put yourself down or use self-deprecating humor. This can result from overreacting to a situation, such as making a mistake. For example, "I don't deserve anything better."
4. Adjust your thoughts and beliefs
Now replace negative or inaccurate thoughts with accurate, constructive thoughts. Try these strategies:
Use hopeful statements
Treat yourself with kindness and encouragement. Pessimism can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. For example, if you think your presentation isn't going to go well, you might indeed stumble through it. Try telling yourself things such as, "Even though it's tough, I can handle this situation."
Forgive yourself
Everyone makes mistakes — and mistakes aren't permanent reflections on you as a person. They're isolated moments in time. Tell yourself, "I made a mistake, but that doesn't make me a bad person."
Avoid 'should' and 'must' statements. If you find that your thoughts are full of these words, you might be putting unreasonable demands on yourself — or on others. Removing these words from your thoughts can lead to more realistic expectations.
Focus on the positive. Think about the good parts of your life. Remind yourself of things that have gone well recently. Consider the skills you've used to cope with challenging situations.
Avoid 'should' and 'must' statements. If you find that your thoughts are full of these words, you might be putting unreasonable demands on yourself — or on others. Removing these words from your thoughts can lead to more realistic expectations.
Focus on the positive. Think about the good parts of your life. Remind yourself of things that have gone well recently. Consider the skills you've used to cope with challenging situations.
Relabel upsetting thoughts
You don't need to react negatively to negative thoughts. Instead, think of negative thoughts as signals to try new, healthy patterns. Ask yourself, "What can I think and do to make this less stressful?"
Encourage yourself
Give yourself credit for making positive changes. For example, "My presentation might not have been perfect, but my colleagues asked questions and remained engaged — which means that I accomplished my goal
Encourage yourself
Give yourself credit for making positive changes. For example, "My presentation might not have been perfect, but my colleagues asked questions and remained engaged — which means that I accomplished my goal
Positive Focus - I CAN DO ANYTHING!
Daily Meditation Mantra
Steps For Success:
Today we are creating a list just for you. I want you to get your favorite pajamas on and (if possible) find a quiet corner in the house. Dig deep, what ten things do you really and truly love about yourself? What makes you unique? Do you have a hidden talent or hobby? What is your favorite part about your body or your personality?
Reinforcing a positive self image
To do this exercise you will need a piece of paper, a pencil or pen, and a timer or clock. Any kind of paper will do, but if you have paper and pen you really like, that will be even better.
Set a timer for 10 minutes or note the time on your watch or a clock. Write your name across the top of the paper. Then write everything positive and good you can think of about yourself. Include special attributes, talents, and achievements. You can use single words or sentences, whichever you prefer. You can write the same things over and over if you want to emphasize them. Don't worry about spelling or grammar. Your ideas don't have to be organized.
Write down whatever comes to mind. You are the only one who will see this paper. Avoid making any negative statements or using any negative words—only positive ones. When the 10 minutes are up, read the paper over to yourself. You may feel sad when you read it over because it is a new, different, and positive way of thinking about yourself–a way that contradicts some of the negative thoughts you may have had about yourself. Those feelings will diminish as your reread this paper.
Make a list of —
at least five of your strengths, for example, persistence, courage, friendliness, creativity at least five things you admire about yourself, for example the way you have raised your
children, your good relationship with your brother, or your spirituality
the five greatest achievements in your life so far, like recovering from a serious illness,graduating from high school, or learning to use a computer
at least 20 accomplishments-they can be as simple as learning to tie your shoes, to getting
an advanced college degree
Failure. It's hard isn't it? When things do not go the way you expected or a business goes down the tubes and all your hard work goes seemingly wasted.
Im not going to tell you "that's just how life works so smile and get over it". There is enough false positivity out there already, and I am a realist (really!).
Failure feels so personal to us doesn't it? As if our success is tied to our souls inevitable worth. Though it really isnt. Your Soul is where the magic lives.
Even when you fail, fall, drop out, divorce, or lose the things that should of come first etc..
The soul is ready. Consbb t lives in the state of ever readiness. It is the mind, the thought processes, and the moods that truly fail us. Many of these things are tied to actionable processes that are more simply to change than you realise.
Depression, its not your soul, its dopamine
Anxiety, its not your soul its in the chemistry. Your feelings- your experiences- these constantly throw your soul unwillingly into the mix.
Failure hurts. But I truly believe in failure, where it ovetwhelms you should be seen as the souls attempt to literally force you into meeting who you have been all along.
In this age its trendy to say "I'm finding myself" because that isn't true. You've been you all your life. Success starts with love and actual time spent getting to know this wonderful revealing of the soul.
Give failure your permission. Make it your best friend. Let it accompany you on walks and into meetings and interviews and even in filing bankruptcy.
Your soul, it is so, so good. Look no further.
You are the magic you have furiously been searching for. Now. You are home.
Im not going to tell you "that's just how life works so smile and get over it". There is enough false positivity out there already, and I am a realist (really!).
Failure feels so personal to us doesn't it? As if our success is tied to our souls inevitable worth. Though it really isnt. Your Soul is where the magic lives.
Even when you fail, fall, drop out, divorce, or lose the things that should of come first etc..
The soul is ready. Consbb t lives in the state of ever readiness. It is the mind, the thought processes, and the moods that truly fail us. Many of these things are tied to actionable processes that are more simply to change than you realise.
Depression, its not your soul, its dopamine
Anxiety, its not your soul its in the chemistry. Your feelings- your experiences- these constantly throw your soul unwillingly into the mix.
Failure hurts. But I truly believe in failure, where it ovetwhelms you should be seen as the souls attempt to literally force you into meeting who you have been all along.
In this age its trendy to say "I'm finding myself" because that isn't true. You've been you all your life. Success starts with love and actual time spent getting to know this wonderful revealing of the soul.
Give failure your permission. Make it your best friend. Let it accompany you on walks and into meetings and interviews and even in filing bankruptcy.
Success
Your success is born there is beauty in willingly looking at your failures and choosing to launch out into the deep.Your soul, it is so, so good. Look no further.
You are the magic you have furiously been searching for. Now. You are home.
CALENDAR
Be proud of yourself, that must come first on your agenda, you got me? Great!
As we are embarking on this journey of sorts together we must focus on the
objectives that matter the most. So, what are those, you ask?
● Getting a predictable routine that works for you
● Becoming productive, even if that means we are not doing as many things
or crushing as many of goals, as you're used to. Its okay, just breathe
and trust me, it will be worth it
● Designing your day to achieve optimal (especially) mental health
● Achieving quality, “restful rest”
● Accepting that meltdowns do happen and that they are okay, you have just
got to plan how you will react to them, in advance
ROUTINES
Lets face it, life can be extremely unpredictable and scheduling your life rigidly only ends up in feelings of inadequacy and frustration on trying
weeks. I am not here to tell you that you need to be a slave to your schedule,
that leaves no time for unexpected joy and adventure but busy lives do need at
least a tentative plan to strive to keep.
You will not follow it exactly every single day, but just having it as a written reference can save you from some messy meltdowns fo’sho.
The following are a few examples of calendars and routine references to inspire you. Do them all or pick one or two that fit your lifestyle and daily goals.
Make a rough draft. Revise it often. If it becomes more of a chore than a helpful tool, change it up and try something else.
CALENDAR
Be proud of yourself, that must come first on your agenda, you got me? Great!
As we are embarking on this journey of sorts together we must focus on the
objectives that matter the most. So, what are those, you ask?
● Getting a predictable routine that works for you
● Becoming productive, even if that means we are not doing as many things
or crushing as many of goals, as you're used to. Its okay, just breathe
and trust me, it will be worth it
● Designing your day to achieve optimal (especially) mental health
● Achieving quality, “restful rest”
● Accepting that meltdowns do happen and that they are okay, you have just
got to plan how you will react to them, in advance
ROUTINES
Lets face it, life can be extremely unpredictable and scheduling your life rigidly only ends up in feelings of inadequacy and frustration on trying
weeks. I am not here to tell you that you need to be a slave to your schedule,
that leaves no time for unexpected joy and adventure but busy lives do need at
least a tentative plan to strive to keep.
You will not follow it exactly every single day, but just having it as a written reference can save you from some messy meltdowns fo’sho.
The following are a few examples of calendars and routine references to inspire you. Do them all or pick one or two that fit your lifestyle and daily goals.
Make a rough draft. Revise it often. If it becomes more of a chore than a helpful tool, change it up and try something else.
SAFE SPACE
If there's one thing we all know it's that there is a huge problem after suffering trauma of any sort to feel secure in both the physical and the emotional life. After leaving an abusive relationship the losses we suffer most definitely include security. Whether it's feeling safe walking home, being safe in your home, or simply sometimes not feeling as if we can trust our own thoughts, trust and security are a significant hurdle to cross even in just trusting ourselves to make the right decisions and the safety of being able to feel however it is that you do actually feel and know its okay. It's safe to come out and it's safe to have your own opinion. It is safe to be who and whatever it is that you are. But, it sure does take practice to exercise this right if you've never indulged in it before.
Right now.
Today, i want you to find a small cozy space in your house. Gather things that bring you comfort such as a favorite blanket or pillow, a sweet smelling candle, soft relaxing music of possible, and either s journal or these printable pages + writing utensil. What your safe space looks like is totally up to you- the important part is to make sure it really is relaxing enough to be productive.
This is your spot to do the next few weeks exercises (if possible) and a place of yoi
The Healing Process
On an emotional level, healing is quite complex and different for every person. Mentally, healing required taking full responsibility for oneself, commitment to oneself, commitment to happiness even if it is a not an every day reality, releasing unhealthy habits habits, removing people, behaviors jobs, attitudes, or emotion that block healing. If also involves forgiveness, discipline, and the allowance of surrender. Healing is a mystical, undefinable part of the human experience and is different for every one. But there are some common patterns:
and their ability to plan for future
Reconnection/Social Support
While helplessness and isolation are the main experiences of the trauma of domestic violence,empowerment and reconnection are the main experiences of recovery. During the recovery phase,she understands the effects of being victimized and is ready to take concrete steps to regain control of her own life and to protect against future danger. She knows that intimate relationship isn't a necessity, but rather is a choice. Positive social support can make all the difference in a survivor’s healing process. This is why it is important to surround yourself with those who understand your experience
Reconnection/Social Support
While helplessness and isolation are the main experiences of the trauma of domestic violence,empowerment and reconnection are the main experiences of recovery. During the recovery phase,she understands the effects of being victimized and is ready to take concrete steps to regain control of her own life and to protect against future danger. She knows that intimate relationship isn't a necessity, but rather is a choice. Positive social support can make all the difference in a survivor’s healing process. This is why it is important to surround yourself with those who understand your experience
How to Love Yourself
Stop All Criticism
Simply refuse to criticize yourself. Everybody changes,but criticism never changes anything. When you are criticizing yourself, your changes are negative. When you approve of yourself, your changes are positive.Be gentle and kind and patient Go easy on yourself as you learn new ways of thinking.Treat yourself as you would someone you really loved.
Be Kind To Your Mind
Self-hatred is only hating your own thoughts. Don’t hate yourself for your thoughts. Instead, gently change the thoughts. Praise yourself Criticism breaks down the inner spirit.Praise builds up.Praise yourself as much as you can. Tell yourself how well you are doing with every little thing.
Self-hatred is only hating your own thoughts. Don’t hate yourself for your thoughts. Instead, gently change the thoughts. Praise yourself Criticism breaks down the inner spirit.Praise builds up.Praise yourself as much as you can. Tell yourself how well you are doing with every little thing.
Support Yourself
Reach out to friends and family and allow them to help you. When you need help and ask for it, you're being strong.
Be Loving to Your Negatives
Acknowledge that you created them to fill a need. Now you are finding new, positive ways to fulfill those needs.Lovingly release the old negative patterns.
Take Care of Your Body
Learn about nutrition. What kind of fuel does your body need to have optimum energy and vitality? Learn about exercise. What kinds of exercise to you enjoy? Cherish and revere the temple you live in!
Love Yourself—Do it Now!
Don’t wait until you get well or lose the weight, or getthe new job or the new relationship.Begin now and do the best you can!
I Will Emerge
I will emerge from the shadows and enjoy the light when:
I Refuse to take responsibility for my partner’s abusive behavior.
I Will Stop blaming myself for the violence and abuse in my relationship.
I understand that in order to take good care of my children,
I must first take good care of myself.
I Recognize that my feelings and ideas are genuine and deserving of consideration.
I can allow myself to make mistakes and know that I do not have to be perfect.
Ifeelgood about myself and my ability to function as an adult.
Iamableto acceptand deal with what is real,ratherthanhanging onto what might have been or what was.
Iacceptmyrighttoautonomy(self direction). Iwillnolongerallow anyoneto treatmeinanabusive manner.
I will put as much time and efforti nto having a healthy relationship with myself as I will put into having a healthy relationship with another
Iamableto acceptand deal with what is real,ratherthanhanging onto what might have been or what was.
Iacceptmyrighttoautonomy(self direction). Iwillnolongerallow anyoneto treatmeinanabusive manner.
I will put as much time and efforti nto having a healthy relationship with myself as I will put into having a healthy relationship with another
.
What Is Integrity and Where Does It Fit In?
According to the Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary, integrity is a firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values.
In order to be a person of integrity we have to live up to the values we hold to be important. (Again notice how subjective this all is—the values we hold to be important.)
With integrity, it doesn’t matter what your values are. It matters whether or not you live up to them.
Integrity is integration between your values and your actions.
So How Are Values and Integrity Connected to Self Esteem?
Society may expect certain things from us, yet we are the ones who choose whether or not we internalize external social values and make them our own.
About six years ago, I was hospitalized for ten days with mild hemiparesis, one-sided numbness in my body. It was one of the worst times of my life. The uncertainty was agonizing. It was that illness that led me to rethink the truths in life and I became exposed to the whole “new age” culture.
There were things there that I was beginning to believe might have some truth in them, yet in my circles, many of those ideas were unaccepted.
I was so insecure that in order for me to feel the answers were right and that my point of view was legitimate, I needed people to agree with me and my way of thinking.
What I have learned over the years was that it is okay for other people to have different points of view, and if I truly believe something is right, in general or right for me, it does not matter what others think. I have begun to trust my own value system and not rely only on what others think.
Each of us has many values. Not all of our values are as important to us at the same time. Things also shift over time.
I try to write down five to ten of my top values every few months. Sometimes they change, sometimes they stay the same. By listing the values that are most important in my life at any given time, I am choosing to focus on them and work on them.
The more important our values, the more they will affect our self-esteem.
Sometimes we have values that clash, not because they’re opposites of each other, but because we can’t honor both at once.
For example, family and work are two of my values, and I find myself working more and having less time for my family. My family wants my attention and pulls at me. I want to feel fulfilled through work and career and that pulls at me.
The more my work value is being fulfilled, the more integrity I have with regard to that value. On the other hand, I am not living my family value with as much integrity as I would like to. When there’s a rift between how you’d like to honor a value, it leads to a loss of integrity.
That loss of integrity is the cause of lowered self-esteem.
If you have low self-esteem, that means you need to go back to your values and reassess how you can rearrange your life to feel like you are living with integrity based on what matters to you.
Is It Really That Easy?
If you’re like me, you might wonder you can possibly live with integrity based on all your varied values.
What helps me is to challenge all-or-nothing thinking. Sometimes it can seem that if you can’t do things right or all the way, it’s a non-accomplishment.
Integrity is built from a pattern of small and consistent actions. Little changes can indeed build into big changes. One step at a time, a little bit each time, really does work magic.
How Can I Work On Living My Values With Integrity?
Know your values
Keep your values at the center of your awareness. Know when you have an internal conflict between values.
Walk the talk. Try to make sure you have integration between your values and actions.
What Is Integrity and Where Does It Fit In?
According to the Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary, integrity is a firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values.
In order to be a person of integrity we have to live up to the values we hold to be important. (Again notice how subjective this all is—the values we hold to be important.)
With integrity, it doesn’t matter what your values are. It matters whether or not you live up to them.
Integrity is integration between your values and your actions.
So How Are Values and Integrity Connected to Self Esteem?
Society may expect certain things from us, yet we are the ones who choose whether or not we internalize external social values and make them our own.
About six years ago, I was hospitalized for ten days with mild hemiparesis, one-sided numbness in my body. It was one of the worst times of my life. The uncertainty was agonizing. It was that illness that led me to rethink the truths in life and I became exposed to the whole “new age” culture.
There were things there that I was beginning to believe might have some truth in them, yet in my circles, many of those ideas were unaccepted.
I was so insecure that in order for me to feel the answers were right and that my point of view was legitimate, I needed people to agree with me and my way of thinking.
What I have learned over the years was that it is okay for other people to have different points of view, and if I truly believe something is right, in general or right for me, it does not matter what others think. I have begun to trust my own value system and not rely only on what others think.
Each of us has many values. Not all of our values are as important to us at the same time. Things also shift over time.
I try to write down five to ten of my top values every few months. Sometimes they change, sometimes they stay the same. By listing the values that are most important in my life at any given time, I am choosing to focus on them and work on them.
The more important our values, the more they will affect our self-esteem.
Sometimes we have values that clash, not because they’re opposites of each other, but because we can’t honor both at once.
For example, family and work are two of my values, and I find myself working more and having less time for my family. My family wants my attention and pulls at me. I want to feel fulfilled through work and career and that pulls at me.
The more my work value is being fulfilled, the more integrity I have with regard to that value. On the other hand, I am not living my family value with as much integrity as I would like to. When there’s a rift between how you’d like to honor a value, it leads to a loss of integrity.
That loss of integrity is the cause of lowered self-esteem.
If you have low self-esteem, that means you need to go back to your values and reassess how you can rearrange your life to feel like you are living with integrity based on what matters to you.
Is It Really That Easy?
If you’re like me, you might wonder you can possibly live with integrity based on all your varied values.
What helps me is to challenge all-or-nothing thinking. Sometimes it can seem that if you can’t do things right or all the way, it’s a non-accomplishment.
Integrity is built from a pattern of small and consistent actions. Little changes can indeed build into big changes. One step at a time, a little bit each time, really does work magic.
How Can I Work On Living My Values With Integrity?
Know your values
Keep your values at the center of your awareness. Know when you have an internal conflict between values.
Walk the talk. Try to make sure you have integration between your values and actions.
Learn how to give things up
Ask yourself, “What am I really willing to sacrifice?” If you want to start a new career, maybe you need to learn to let other things go. And if you do decide to give things up, do it without feeling bad about it or feeling guilty. It is a decision.
See yourself as a unique person who has many resources.
See yourself as a unique person who has many resources.
Use the words: “I choose to_______” instead of helpless phrases like “I can’t because_________” or “I am like this because of_________”. You have a choice. You decide the circumstances why you can’t do something. Those voices don’t want change. They want to keep the status quo. Evict them.
Be authentic and be assertive. If you don’t want to do something, say you don’t want to do it. Don’t beat around the bush. If something is important, go for it.
Visualize and plan
Know what you want and plan for it.
Self esteem is like a bank account. When you live your values with integrity, you are making deposits into the bank of self esteem. We can be rich or poor. We are the ones who decide how many deposits we make
Self esteem is like a bank account. When you live your values with integrity, you are making deposits into the bank of self esteem. We can be rich or poor. We are the ones who decide how many deposits we make
Self-esteem: Take steps to feel better about yourself
If you have low self-esteem, harness the power of your own thoughts and beliefs to change how you feel about yourself. Start with these four steps to a healthier self-esteem.
Low self-esteem can negatively affect virtually every facet of your life, including your relationships, your job and your health. But you can take steps to boost your self-esteem by taking cues from types of mental health counseling.
Consider these steps, based on cognitive behavioral therapy:
1. Identify troubling conditions or situations
Think about the conditions or situations that seem to deflate your self-esteem. Common triggers might include:
A work or school presentation
A crisis at work or home
A challenge with a spouse, loved one, co-worker or other close contact
A change in roles or life circumstances, such as a job loss or a child leaving home
If you have low self-esteem, harness the power of your own thoughts and beliefs to change how you feel about yourself. Start with these four steps to a healthier self-esteem.
Low self-esteem can negatively affect virtually every facet of your life, including your relationships, your job and your health. But you can take steps to boost your self-esteem by taking cues from types of mental health counseling.
Consider these steps, based on cognitive behavioral therapy:
1. Identify troubling conditions or situations
Think about the conditions or situations that seem to deflate your self-esteem. Common triggers might include:
A work or school presentation
A crisis at work or home
A challenge with a spouse, loved one, co-worker or other close contact
A change in roles or life circumstances, such as a job loss or a child leaving home
2. Become aware of thoughts and beliefs
Once you've identified troubling situations, pay attention to your thoughts about them. This includes your self-talk — what you tell yourself — and your interpretation of what the situation means. Your thoughts and beliefs might be positive, negative or neutral. They might be rational, based on reason or facts, or irrational, based on false ideas.
3. Challenge negative or inaccurate thinking
Your initial thoughts might not be the only possible way to view a situation — so test the accuracy of your thoughts. Ask yourself whether your view is consistent with facts and logic or whether other explanations for the situation might be plausible.
Be aware that it can be hard to recognize inaccuracies in thinking. Long-held thoughts and beliefs can feel normal and factual, even though many are just opinions or perceptions.
Also pay attention to thought patterns that erode self-esteem:
All-or-nothing thinking. You see things as either all good or all bad. For example, "If I don't succeed in this task, I'm a total failure."
Mental filtering. You see only negatives and dwell on them, distorting your view of a person or situation. For example, "I made a mistake on that report and now everyone will realize I'm not up to this job."
Converting positives into negatives. You reject your achievements and other positive experiences by insisting that they don't count. For example, "I only did well on that test because it was so easy."
Jumping to negative conclusions. You reach a negative conclusion when little or no evidence supports it. For example, "My friend hasn't replied to my email, so I must have done something to make her angry."
Mistaking feelings for facts
You confuse feelings or beliefs with facts. For example, "I feel like a failure, so I must be a failure."
Negative self-talk. You undervalue yourself, put yourself down or use self-deprecating humor. This can result from overreacting to a situation, such as making a mistake. For example, "I don't deserve anything better."
Negative self-talk. You undervalue yourself, put yourself down or use self-deprecating humor. This can result from overreacting to a situation, such as making a mistake. For example, "I don't deserve anything better."
4. Adjust your thoughts and beliefs
Now replace negative or inaccurate thoughts with accurate, constructive thoughts. Try these strategies:
Use hopeful statements
Treat yourself with kindness and encouragement. Pessimism can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. For example, if you think your presentation isn't going to go well, you might indeed stumble through it. Try telling yourself things such as, "Even though it's tough, I can handle this situation."
Forgive yourself
Everyone makes mistakes — and mistakes aren't permanent reflections on you as a person. They're isolated moments in time. Tell yourself, "I made a mistake, but that doesn't make me a bad person."
Avoid 'should' and 'must' statements. If you find that your thoughts are full of these words, you might be putting unreasonable demands on yourself — or on others. Removing these words from your thoughts can lead to more realistic expectations.
Focus on the positive. Think about the good parts of your life. Remind yourself of things that have gone well recently. Consider the skills you've used to cope with challenging situations.
Avoid 'should' and 'must' statements. If you find that your thoughts are full of these words, you might be putting unreasonable demands on yourself — or on others. Removing these words from your thoughts can lead to more realistic expectations.
Focus on the positive. Think about the good parts of your life. Remind yourself of things that have gone well recently. Consider the skills you've used to cope with challenging situations.
Relabel upsetting thoughts
You don't need to react negatively to negative thoughts. Instead, think of negative thoughts as signals to try new, healthy patterns. Ask yourself, "What can I think and do to make this less stressful?"
Encourage yourself
Give yourself credit for making positive changes. For example, "My presentation might not have been perfect, but my colleagues asked questions and remained engaged — which means that I accomplished my goal
Encourage yourself
Give yourself credit for making positive changes. For example, "My presentation might not have been perfect, but my colleagues asked questions and remained engaged — which means that I accomplished my goal
Positive Focus - I CAN DO ANYTHING!
Daily Meditation Mantra
Steps For Success:
Today we are creating a list just for you. I want you to get your favorite pajamas on and (if possible) find a quiet corner in the house. Dig deep, what ten things do you really and truly love about yourself? What makes you unique? Do you have a hidden talent or hobby? What is your favorite part about your body or your personality?
Reinforcing a positive self image
To do this exercise you will need a piece of paper, a pencil or pen, and a timer or clock. Any kind of paper will do, but if you have paper and pen you really like, that will be even better.
Set a timer for 10 minutes or note the time on your watch or a clock. Write your name across the top of the paper. Then write everything positive and good you can think of about yourself. Include special attributes, talents, and achievements. You can use single words or sentences, whichever you prefer. You can write the same things over and over if you want to emphasize them. Don't worry about spelling or grammar. Your ideas don't have to be organized.
Write down whatever comes to mind. You are the only one who will see this paper. Avoid making any negative statements or using any negative words—only positive ones. When the 10 minutes are up, read the paper over to yourself. You may feel sad when you read it over because it is a new, different, and positive way of thinking about yourself–a way that contradicts some of the negative thoughts you may have had about yourself. Those feelings will diminish as your reread this paper.
Make a list of —
at least five of your strengths, for example, persistence, courage, friendliness, creativity at least five things you admire about yourself, for example the way you have raised your
children, your good relationship with your brother, or your spirituality
the five greatest achievements in your life so far, like recovering from a serious illness,graduating from high school, or learning to use a computer
at least 20 accomplishments-they can be as simple as learning to tie your shoes, to getting
an advanced college degree
.
WEEK TWO: MAKE SPACE FOR YOURSELF
DAY THREE: A Love Letter
Positive Focus I AM IN CONTROL OF MY FUTURE
Daily Meditation Mantra
Steps For Success: Today we are creating a time capsule. I want you to get a pen or pencil (yes we are going old school) and write yourself a letter. Write down your current feelings. What bothers you or causes you grief? What is the most challenging part of your day or where you are in your recovery process? What are you just totally over feeling0 or doing? What do you need to let go of? What are your goals or what do you hope to learn or discard in the next 8 weeks? Write it, write it, write it! Then put it away. We will come back to this soon!
WEEK TWO MAKE SPACE
DAY FOUR- Decisions
Before we go much further into this process there is one thing i need you to know. This journey is yours. You are NOT ALONE in it at all however, from now onward you must see your own decisions, take credit for them. Only you csn decide whether you experience healing or not. What is done has surely been done
The damsge has been done but the HEALING IS YOURS. Oh and its good. So, so, so good. Is it easy? No. Is it painless? Hell no. Will you want to quit? Every day. But feeling and wanting ate just that. You hsbe a choice and girlfriend believr mr i feel your pain. Nothing is easy and healing csn be so conveluded but you WILL emerge. No matter your past. No matter your story. No mstter your mistakes and missteps. You sre so beautifully and purposely created. I love thst you are choosing to step out of your pain and launch yourself into a new thriving life.
Refocus Activities
Values
Self Esteem Pillars
“A commitment to lifelong
learning is a natural expression of the practice of living consciously.” ~ Nathaniel Branden
If you liked this Note, you’ll probably like…
Ken Wilber Strength for Life Mastery Meditations Thus Spoke Zarathustra
The Power of Your Supermind
The Dhammapada
SMALL IMPROVEMENTS ARE BIG
“These practices are ideals to guide us. And—this can hardly be overemphasized—they do not have to be lived ‘perfectly’ 100 percent of the time in order to have a benefcent impact on our lives. Small improvements make a difference.”
Love it. Perfection is NOT the standard we’re looking for here. In fact, perfection is the LOWEST standard we could possibly set. Why? Because it’s impossible to attain.
Let’s remember to honor the power of small improvements. As the Buddha says in The Dhammapada (see Notes): “Little by little a person become evil, as a water pot is flled by drops of water… Little by little a person becomes good, as a water pot is flled by drops of water.”
And, Vernon Howard reminds us: “Do not be impatient with your seemingly slow progress. Do not try to run faster than you presently can. If you are studying, refecting and trying, you are making progress whether you are aware of it or not. A traveler walking the road in the darkness of night is still going forward. Someday, some way, everything will break open, like the natural unfolding of a rosebud.”
How about Nietzsche? “He who would learn to fy one day must learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance; one cannot fy into fying.”
Yep. It’s clear. Let’s honor the small improvements we’re making as we develop our self-esteem and live more and more radiantly conscious lives,
Brian Johnson, Chief Philosopher
About the Author of “The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem” NATHANIEL BRANDEN
Psychotherapist and philosopher Nathaniel Branden, Ph.D. is a lecturer, practicing psychotherapist, and author of twenty books on the psychology of self- esteem, romantic love, and the life and thought of Objectivist philosopher Ayn Rand. His work has been translated into 18 languages and has sold over 4 million copies, and includes such titles as Taking Responsibility, The Six Pillars of Self Esteem, and My Years with Ayn Rand.
The name Nathaniel Branden has become synonymous with the psychology of self-esteem, a feld he began pioneering over thirty years ago. In that time, he has done more than any other theorist to advocate the importance of self-esteem to human well-being, a mission which began with his involvement in Objectivist philosopher Ayn Rand’s “Inner Circle.” (from NathanielBranden.com where you can learn more!)
learning is a natural expression of the practice of living consciously.” ~ Nathaniel Branden
If you liked this Note, you’ll probably like…
Ken Wilber Strength for Life Mastery Meditations Thus Spoke Zarathustra
The Power of Your Supermind
The Dhammapada
SMALL IMPROVEMENTS ARE BIG
“These practices are ideals to guide us. And—this can hardly be overemphasized—they do not have to be lived ‘perfectly’ 100 percent of the time in order to have a benefcent impact on our lives. Small improvements make a difference.”
Love it. Perfection is NOT the standard we’re looking for here. In fact, perfection is the LOWEST standard we could possibly set. Why? Because it’s impossible to attain.
Let’s remember to honor the power of small improvements. As the Buddha says in The Dhammapada (see Notes): “Little by little a person become evil, as a water pot is flled by drops of water… Little by little a person becomes good, as a water pot is flled by drops of water.”
And, Vernon Howard reminds us: “Do not be impatient with your seemingly slow progress. Do not try to run faster than you presently can. If you are studying, refecting and trying, you are making progress whether you are aware of it or not. A traveler walking the road in the darkness of night is still going forward. Someday, some way, everything will break open, like the natural unfolding of a rosebud.”
How about Nietzsche? “He who would learn to fy one day must learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance; one cannot fy into fying.”
Yep. It’s clear. Let’s honor the small improvements we’re making as we develop our self-esteem and live more and more radiantly conscious lives,
Brian Johnson, Chief Philosopher
About the Author of “The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem” NATHANIEL BRANDEN
Psychotherapist and philosopher Nathaniel Branden, Ph.D. is a lecturer, practicing psychotherapist, and author of twenty books on the psychology of self- esteem, romantic love, and the life and thought of Objectivist philosopher Ayn Rand. His work has been translated into 18 languages and has sold over 4 million copies, and includes such titles as Taking Responsibility, The Six Pillars of Self Esteem, and My Years with Ayn Rand.
The name Nathaniel Branden has become synonymous with the psychology of self-esteem, a feld he began pioneering over thirty years ago. In that time, he has done more than any other theorist to advocate the importance of self-esteem to human well-being, a mission which began with his involvement in Objectivist philosopher Ayn Rand’s “Inner Circle.” (from NathanielBranden.com where you can learn more!)
Stress Busters
Deservibility
Boundaries
Effective Personal Boundaries
Clear and healthy boundaries are critical to living your vision and creating a fulfilling life. Both in your personal and professional life, a lack of boundaries will pull you away from being your best. This quick guide will help you identify key boundaries that may need your attention and will provide some practical tools to get you started thinking about setting and maintaining the boundaries.
Clear and healthy boundaries are critical to living your vision and creating a fulfilling life. Both in your personal and professional life, a lack of boundaries will pull you away from being your best. This quick guide will help you identify key boundaries that may need your attention and will provide some practical tools to get you started thinking about setting and maintaining the boundaries.
What are Boundaries?
Personal Boundaries are designed to protect and honor important parts of our lives. They are created to clarify what are acceptable and unacceptable behaviors from others. Just as a fence protects and preserves our real property, so should personal boundaries protect our personal selves.
Key Areas to Protect Using Boundaries
Just as we have property we preserve and protect with physical boundaries, there are several key areas of our lives that should be protected by personal boundaries:
Your Time – In today’s world, time is an important and valuable asset. We often feel we never have enough time to focus on what’s really important in our lives yet time is often what we least protect through effective boundaries. Do you have friends who drop by unexpectedly? Do you have co-workers or employees who demand your time in unreasonable ways? Do you have tasks that could just as easily be completed by someone else? These are examples of violators of our time boundaries.
Your Emotions – Your emotions are where your love and caring come from. This should be well-protected. Often, people in our lives may say or do hurtful things (often unintentional) that can damage our emotions and our hearts. Has someone in your life made hurtful remarks or comments? Been thoughtless? These are examples of violations of our emotional boundaries.
Your Energy – Your energy is the well-spring from which you function. This energy can come from many sources; your “alone time”, your inner peace, activities that invigorate you, etc. When others do or say things that rob you of this energy (such as invade your privacy, create turmoil, make unreasonable demands, keep you from prayer, meditation, etc.), you are less likely to function effectively.
Your Personal Values or Other Areas of Importance to You – Anything in your life that is important to you (such as your personal values, needs, family, etc.) can be areas that can benefit from effective boundaries. What other areas of your life need boundaries?
________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
Create Your Personal Boundaries
There are a number of ways to create and honor boundaries that are important to you. Here are just a few examples:
There are a number of ways to create and honor boundaries that are important to you. Here are just a few examples:
Be clear about the boundary to both yourself and others – Make sure you have been thoughtful about the
boundary issue and have defined for yourself and others what is acceptable and unacceptable.
Once a boundary is crossed, remind the individual of your boundary and ask for his/her help in maintaining that
boundary.
If the individual continues to violate the boundary, ask firmly and politely for the behavior to stop. If the behavior continues, consider what further action is appropriate to stop the behavior.
Remember that while you may be firm, you should also remain respectful of the other individual.
Identify ways to position yourself in a time and place that minimizes the opportunity for your boundaries to be
crossed.
Thank those people around you who honor your boundaries and thank those who have honored your requests to start observing your boundaries.
Always seek to understand and honor the boundaries of others.
Understanding and Creating Your Personal Boundaries
In the space provided, list at least 5 boundaries (either from the key areas above or other areas in your life) that need strengthening. In the space next to the boundary, identify a potential solution to that boundary issue.
The solution could be anything from having a conversation with the offender to removing yourself from the situation. You may review the “Ways to Create Your Personal Boundaries” above for ideas. I’ll “prime the pump” by providing you with a couple of examples:
The boundary being crossed is… The action I will take is… Example: A classmate has made a habit of telling me jokes that are racially or sexually degrading. These comments are at odds with my values and beliefs and are causing me to dread being around him. I plan to discuss the jokes and comments with my classmate and let him know how they make me feel. I will let him know that I would prefer not to hear those types of jokes in the future. Example: I need to complete a weekly report at work each Friday morning but am continually interrupted by traffic in our office. This has caused me to miss a couple of deadlines. I plan to try to negotiate an arrangement with my manager that will enable me to work from home two hours each Friday morning so that I can complete the report without distractions.
The boundary being crossed is… The action I will take is… Example: A classmate has made a habit of telling me jokes that are racially or sexually degrading. These comments are at odds with my values and beliefs and are causing me to dread being around him. I plan to discuss the jokes and comments with my classmate and let him know how they make me feel. I will let him know that I would prefer not to hear those types of jokes in the future. Example: I need to complete a weekly report at work each Friday morning but am continually interrupted by traffic in our office. This has caused me to miss a couple of deadlines. I plan to try to negotiate an arrangement with my manager that will enable me to work from home two hours each Friday morning so that I can complete the report without distractions.
Unhealthy Relationships
Healthy RELATIONSHIPS
Healing Healthy Relationships
Slow down Peopleinhealthyrelationshipsknow the importance of becoming friendsfirst.Friendships require time; they don’t spring up over night. Friendshave manyinterestsin common,notjust sexualattraction.A relationshipbased on passion islike a one-leggedstool—itwillfallover because it can’t support itself.
Isthere trust? Peopleinhealthyrelationshipsare honestand open witheach other atalltimes.Trustbuildsover time and isbased onconsistent,honestbehavior.
Doyouhave mutualrespect?
People in healthy relationships respect each other’s opinions,feelings,goalsanddecisionsevenif they don’t always agree with each other.
How isthe communication? Peopleinhealthyrelationshipsdo nothit,threaten, scare or usewordsto hurteach other.
Didyoukeepyour friends? Peopleinhealthyrelationshipscontinuetheir own interestsand friendshipsoutside of their romantic relationships.
Isone personalwaysto blame?
People in healthyrelationshipstakeresponsibility for their own actionsand feelings. Theydo not blame each otherif theylosetheir temper,make bad decisions or if something isn’t going their way.
Isthere shareddecisionmaking?
People in healthyrelationshipsuse communication and negotiation to make decisionsabouttheir activities.One person doesnotdominatethe decision making.
Isit goodwhenthe twoof youare sober? People in healthyrelationshipsdo notpressure each other to use alcoholor drugs.Theydonot “get high” to make the relationship better.
Isone persontrying to controltheother? People in healthyrelationshipsare notjealousor possessive of each other. Partners don’t insist on controlling whattheother person wears,who they spend their timewith,or whattheydo with their own money.
Is “No!” heard and respected?
People in healthy relationships don’t pressure or force the other person to havesex ordothingsthey arenotcomfortable doing.
Slow down Peopleinhealthyrelationshipsknow the importance of becoming friendsfirst.Friendships require time; they don’t spring up over night. Friendshave manyinterestsin common,notjust sexualattraction.A relationshipbased on passion islike a one-leggedstool—itwillfallover because it can’t support itself.
Isthere trust? Peopleinhealthyrelationshipsare honestand open witheach other atalltimes.Trustbuildsover time and isbased onconsistent,honestbehavior.
Doyouhave mutualrespect?
People in healthy relationships respect each other’s opinions,feelings,goalsanddecisionsevenif they don’t always agree with each other.
How isthe communication? Peopleinhealthyrelationshipsdo nothit,threaten, scare or usewordsto hurteach other.
Didyoukeepyour friends? Peopleinhealthyrelationshipscontinuetheir own interestsand friendshipsoutside of their romantic relationships.
Isone personalwaysto blame?
People in healthyrelationshipstakeresponsibility for their own actionsand feelings. Theydo not blame each otherif theylosetheir temper,make bad decisions or if something isn’t going their way.
Isthere shareddecisionmaking?
People in healthyrelationshipsuse communication and negotiation to make decisionsabouttheir activities.One person doesnotdominatethe decision making.
Isit goodwhenthe twoof youare sober? People in healthyrelationshipsdo notpressure each other to use alcoholor drugs.Theydonot “get high” to make the relationship better.
Isone persontrying to controltheother? People in healthyrelationshipsare notjealousor possessive of each other. Partners don’t insist on controlling whattheother person wears,who they spend their timewith,or whattheydo with their own money.
Is “No!” heard and respected?
People in healthy relationships don’t pressure or force the other person to havesex ordothingsthey arenotcomfortable doing.
Take Back Control
Health
FLOAT
Organization
Impossible Things
Your Tribe
Passion Hexagon
activity and the second, which is more appealing to me? If you get stuck, close your eyes and envision a life in which the first activity plays a major role and the second doesn’t exist. Now envision a life in which the second activity plays a major role and the first doesn’t exist. Which image feels better? Once you have your answer, put your finger on the winner and compare that choice with the third activity. Repeat this exercise all the way around the loop, moving your finger to the winning activity after each comparison; when you complete the loop, your finger will be on your number one passion. Write that activity at the top of the list below, and draw an X over the activity in the loop. Now repeat this process four more times (always starting from the top), and each time, skip the X-ed out activities. You’ve just found your top five passions. In each hexagon above, complete the sentence twith a dierent activity. You may find that your answers range widely (from, say, apple picking to burlesque dancing to meditating)—which is fine. Try not to censor yourself or respond in ways you think you “should.” Be as honest as possible. This exercise was created by Janet Bray Attwood and Chris Attwood
Mindfulness
Mind Mapping
SMART Goals
Rapid Planning
Workbook for:What Would I Like to Change about My Life?
Some examples are: I’d like to make a friend; I’d like to find work or a better job;
I’d like to live someplace nicer; I’d like to be physically healthier;
I’d like to go to school; I’d like to learn how to relax and have more fun.
Which One of These Changes is Most Important to Me Right Now?
Another way to think of it is, What One Change Do I Want to Think About Making?
Some examples are: I’d like to make a friend; I’d like to find work or a better job;
I’d like to live someplace nicer; I’d like to be physically healthier;
I’d like to go to school; I’d like to learn how to relax and have more fun.
Which One of These Changes is Most Important to Me Right Now?
Another way to think of it is, What One Change Do I Want to Think About Making?
It’s likely that what you picked as most important will fit into one of the below major life areas. If not, we’ve included a space for “other,” so you can add it. This list will help you double-check if what you chose as most important right now is actually most important to you. In other words, some people change their minds once they see a major life area they had forgotten about. If this happens to you, no problem! As we said before, this isn’t a test and you’re free to change your mind at any time.
What Life Area Do I Plan to Work On? (check one)
29
_____ Friendships/Relationships (with current or future friends, spouses, boyfriend/girlfriend, family members, and so on)
_____ Employment
_____ Housing
_____ Starting a Family or Reuniting with Children
_____ Volunteering
_____ Faith or Spirituality
_____ Creative/Musical Interest
_____ Self-Care of Mental and Emotional Health
_____Physical Health
_____Addiction Recovery
_____Trauma Recovery (from physical, sexual, and/or emotional abuse)
_____ Hobbies or Leisure Time
_____ Involvement in My Neighborhood or Community
_____ Other (list here):
What Life Area Do I Plan to Work On? (check one)
29
_____ Friendships/Relationships (with current or future friends, spouses, boyfriend/girlfriend, family members, and so on)
_____ Employment
_____ Housing
_____ Starting a Family or Reuniting with Children
_____ Volunteering
_____ Faith or Spirituality
_____ Creative/Musical Interest
_____ Self-Care of Mental and Emotional Health
_____Physical Health
_____Addiction Recovery
_____Trauma Recovery (from physical, sexual, and/or emotional abuse)
_____ Hobbies or Leisure Time
_____ Involvement in My Neighborhood or Community
_____ Other (list here):
Each life change will bring good things and hard things into your life. That is the nature of change. Because one of the greatest obstacles to change is fear of what may happen, it’s very important to think now about what you may like and dislike about making a life change. This will help you to work with your Circle of Support to prepare for how to deal with the harder things. For example, moving to a new apartment may mean that you are far away from a friend you’ve made (a hard thing about the change), but it also may mean that you are safer and farther away from situations that have led you to make unhealthy choices (a good thing about the change).
One way you’ll know you’re ready for change is when you start to believe that the good things will outweigh the hard things that change always brings.
What Good Things Might Happen If I Make This Change?
One way you’ll know you’re ready for change is when you start to believe that the good things will outweigh the hard things that change always brings.
What Good Things Might Happen If I Make This Change?
Step 5: Planning for a New Goal or Life Change
As we talked about before, if you are in this stage of planning for a change, you are ready to think about tools, resources, and tasks to support your new life goal.
See “Step 1: Where Am I in the Change Process” if you’re not sure which stage of change you’re in, starting on page 9.
At this stage, you need to figure out:
• the steps you will take once you’re ready for action (start small to ensure success),
• your obstacles to success (personal and external),
• your resources (personal and external),
• your budget, and
• what kinds of support you need to meet your goal.
Remember, you aren’t ready yet to start doing the things you’re planning. You should focus your energy on figuring out what you have, what you need, and what types of tools or information would help you reach your goal someday.
The best way to succeed is to take it slow, and move from choosing a life goal, to planning how to meet the goal, to someday acting on the goal.
You DO NOT need to do all these things at once to make a Life Plan. You may spend several months choosing a goal, another six months planning how to meet the goal, and several years acting on the goal to make it happen.
This is how a Life Plan works for most people. Few changes happen overnight – or even in a year! – which is why building time and space into your plans is so important.
As we talked about before, if you are in this stage of planning for a change, you are ready to think about tools, resources, and tasks to support your new life goal.
See “Step 1: Where Am I in the Change Process” if you’re not sure which stage of change you’re in, starting on page 9.
At this stage, you need to figure out:
• the steps you will take once you’re ready for action (start small to ensure success),
• your obstacles to success (personal and external),
• your resources (personal and external),
• your budget, and
• what kinds of support you need to meet your goal.
Remember, you aren’t ready yet to start doing the things you’re planning. You should focus your energy on figuring out what you have, what you need, and what types of tools or information would help you reach your goal someday.
The best way to succeed is to take it slow, and move from choosing a life goal, to planning how to meet the goal, to someday acting on the goal.
You DO NOT need to do all these things at once to make a Life Plan. You may spend several months choosing a goal, another six months planning how to meet the goal, and several years acting on the goal to make it happen.
This is how a Life Plan works for most people. Few changes happen overnight – or even in a year! – which is why building time and space into your plans is so important.
Step 5:
Planning Your Goal
Write down your goal in this column. Remember, you only do this when you’re ready to start planning your goal.
Flip to the next page when you’re ready to plan tasks to reach your goal.
MY GOAL IS. . .
32a
Cut along dotted line.
Planning Your Goal
Write down your goal in this column. Remember, you only do this when you’re ready to start planning your goal.
Flip to the next page when you’re ready to plan tasks to reach your goal.
MY GOAL IS. . .
32a
Cut along dotted line.
Step 5:
Planning Your Goal
Now you’re ready to list the tasks or TASKS TO REACH MY GOAL steps you need to take to reach your goal. Remember to plan for small steps, so that you can manage the change.
For example, if your goal is to get a job, some of your plans might be:
• find employment counselor;
• do job assessment;
• pick type of job wanted;
• get a job coach/job support;
• write cover letter and resume;
• schedule interview;
• send thank-you note; and so on.
If your goal is to make a friend, some of your plans might be:
• make a meal for people I live with,
o make shopping list,
o invite people,
o cook meal,
o smile or talk to 1 person that night,
o ask 1 person to have coffee with me next week,
• when we meet for coffee, I’ll start by asking my new acquaintance 1-2 questions about himself or herself; and so on.
Use the back of this sheet if you need more room to write.
32b
Cut along dotted line.
Planning Your Goal
Now you’re ready to list the tasks or TASKS TO REACH MY GOAL steps you need to take to reach your goal. Remember to plan for small steps, so that you can manage the change.
For example, if your goal is to get a job, some of your plans might be:
• find employment counselor;
• do job assessment;
• pick type of job wanted;
• get a job coach/job support;
• write cover letter and resume;
• schedule interview;
• send thank-you note; and so on.
If your goal is to make a friend, some of your plans might be:
• make a meal for people I live with,
o make shopping list,
o invite people,
o cook meal,
o smile or talk to 1 person that night,
o ask 1 person to have coffee with me next week,
• when we meet for coffee, I’ll start by asking my new acquaintance 1-2 questions about himself or herself; and so on.
Use the back of this sheet if you need more room to write.
32b
Cut along dotted line.
Step 5: Planning Your Goal
Now you’re ready to list the OBSTACLES
to your goal. These are things you will OBSTACLES need help with to succeed at your goal.
For example, if your goal is to move into a new apartment, some of your obstacles might be:
• I can’t afford the security deposit;
• The neighborhoods I can afford are not safe;
• I need help finding a roommate;
• The place I’d like to live is far away from my service program (or work or school); and so on.
Remember to use Your Circle of Support (and others) to cope with these barriers so they don’t interfere with your plans.
32c
Cut along dotted line.
Now you’re ready to list the OBSTACLES
to your goal. These are things you will OBSTACLES need help with to succeed at your goal.
For example, if your goal is to move into a new apartment, some of your obstacles might be:
• I can’t afford the security deposit;
• The neighborhoods I can afford are not safe;
• I need help finding a roommate;
• The place I’d like to live is far away from my service program (or work or school); and so on.
Remember to use Your Circle of Support (and others) to cope with these barriers so they don’t interfere with your plans.
32c
Cut along dotted line.
Step 5: Planning Your Goal
Now you’re ready to list the RESOURCES RESOURCES you have to support your goal. These are things you have inside or outside of yourself that will keep you motivated along the way.
For example, if your goal is to go back to school, some of your internal and external resources might be:
• I stick with things once I start them;
• I like to learn new things;
• I have a good school in my community;
• I would be eligible for financial aid;
• My family can help me get a computer when I’m ready; and so on.
Remember to use Your Circle of Support (and others) as a source of encouragement, resources, and tools for success.
32d
Cut along dotted line.
Now you’re ready to list the RESOURCES RESOURCES you have to support your goal. These are things you have inside or outside of yourself that will keep you motivated along the way.
For example, if your goal is to go back to school, some of your internal and external resources might be:
• I stick with things once I start them;
• I like to learn new things;
• I have a good school in my community;
• I would be eligible for financial aid;
• My family can help me get a computer when I’m ready; and so on.
Remember to use Your Circle of Support (and others) as a source of encouragement, resources, and tools for success.
32d
Cut along dotted line.
Step 6:
Acting On Your Goal
TARGET DATES
For each of your tasks, set a date by when you will finish it. Try to give yourself plenty of time to avoid Task 1: putting undue pressure on yourself. See page 38 for advice about completing this page once you’re Task 2: ready.
Remember, you only fill in this column Task 3: when you are ready to start acting on your goal. Leave this blank until you are ready to take action. Task 4:
Task 5:
Task 6:
Task 7:
Acting On Your Goal
TARGET DATES
For each of your tasks, set a date by when you will finish it. Try to give yourself plenty of time to avoid Task 1: putting undue pressure on yourself. See page 38 for advice about completing this page once you’re Task 2: ready.
Remember, you only fill in this column Task 3: when you are ready to start acting on your goal. Leave this blank until you are ready to take action. Task 4:
Task 5:
Task 6:
Task 7:
Rapid Planning Method (RPM)
There is one tool above all others that influences the quality of life: the capacity to take a vision of what you want and make it real. The key to this game of life is living it on your terms, in an extraordinary way. What is that for you? How would you know if your life was truly magnificent, extraordinary, unique, special, and what you’ve ultimately wanted?
When somebody has attained an extraordinary life, they have found a way to maximize their resources; their time, their physical energy, their health, the people they know, and the concepts they’ve learned. They’ve learned to not only maximize what’s available to them, but they’ve also learned to maximize their level of enjoyment.
When it comes to your life, it really comes down to your emotions, how you feel. If you’ve got $10 billion but constantly live in stress, anger, frustration, worry or guilt, then your life is stress, anger, frustration, worry or guilt. Where focus goes, energy flows.
Focus equals power. If anyone is successful at anything, and not just once in a while but on a consistent basis, they are not lucky, they are focused. They are crystal clear about what they want. The clearer you are about what it is you want, the easier it is to achieve it, because your brain can figure out how to get there. The fuel behind getting there is having a compelling purpose and a reason that will move you. Your fuel is what will drive you while you navigate your life’s map, and your massive action plan on how to get from where you are to where you want to be.
Before you can answer the question, “What am I going to do?” you’ve got to first ask the question, “What do I want?” That shift in focus will change completely how you respond in your life. It will change you from focusing on everyone else’s demands for your attention, or what you’re afraid of, or what might give you pleasure in the moment, to what’s most important to you.
RPM planning is a way to maximize the results of your life and maximize your sense of fulfillment and joy. What’s most important to you as an outcome (a result) and why it is important to you (your purpose) will give you the juice to move forward toward realizing your dreams. If you’ve got a strong enough reason and a strong enough purpose, you will figure out how to pull it off.
RPM is a system of thinking, not a time management system. The goal in life is not to manage time, but creating a life that is absolutely fulfilling, a life that is always growing and contributing. This system may, in the beginning, seem like more work. However, after you train enough, the doing will come faster than before and you’ll get ten times the results. After completing the exercises in this workbook, you can take any vision and turn it into reality by recognizing and using the resources inside of you.
Review: RPM – The Rapid Planning Method
Today, there are so many things you can focus on. There are so many demands for your attention that if you don’t decide in advance what you’re going to focus on, you’re most likely going to be controlled by the focus of someone or something else, and there will be fewer chances for you to achieve what it is you really want in life.
The first step toward taking back your focus and achieving the realization of your vision is to ask yourself three questions in a specific sequence on a consistent basis, the RPM system. Although RPM stands for the Rapid Planning Method, you can also think of it as a Results-oriented/Purpose-driven/Massive Action Plan.
The sequence is critical, because if you don’t know what you want, why you want it, and then create a plan for how to get to it, in that order, your actions will not be sustainable through life’s challenges, and you’ll have little possibility of experiencing what it is you truly desire.
Review: RPM – The Rapid Planning Method
Today, there are so many things you can focus on. There are so many demands for your attention that if you don’t decide in advance what you’re going to focus on, you’re most likely going to be controlled by the focus of someone or something else, and there will be fewer chances for you to achieve what it is you really want in life.
The first step toward taking back your focus and achieving the realization of your vision is to ask yourself three questions in a specific sequence on a consistent basis, the RPM system. Although RPM stands for the Rapid Planning Method, you can also think of it as a Results-oriented/Purpose-driven/Massive Action Plan.
The sequence is critical, because if you don’t know what you want, why you want it, and then create a plan for how to get to it, in that order, your actions will not be sustainable through life’s challenges, and you’ll have little possibility of experiencing what it is you truly desire.
VISION MAPPING
Reflect: Think-Starters for Vision Mapping (Cont’d.)
• What are your success milestones, both short term and long term?
_______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________
• What beliefs and values will guide you in achieving your vision?
______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________
• Any other insights or reflections you have about your vision ______________________________________________
______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ _______________________________________________
VISION MAPPING
7
Reflect: Think-Starters for Vision Mapping (Cont’d.)
• What are the core components of your business/ profession must be mastered in order for you to reach full potential?
_______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________
• What challenges do you anticipate? _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________
• What conditions must be in place to move forward? What must change?
_______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________
Reflect: Think-Starters for Vision Mapping (Cont’d.)
• What are your success milestones, both short term and long term?
_______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________
• What beliefs and values will guide you in achieving your vision?
______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________
• Any other insights or reflections you have about your vision ______________________________________________
______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ______________________________________________ _______________________________________________
VISION MAPPING
7
Reflect: Think-Starters for Vision Mapping (Cont’d.)
• What are the core components of your business/ profession must be mastered in order for you to reach full potential?
_______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________
• What challenges do you anticipate? _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________
• What conditions must be in place to move forward? What must change?
_______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________
Reflect: Think-Starters for Vision Mapping (Cont’d.)
• When your mission is accomplished, what will people close to you see and experience? How will things feel different at that tiame than they are today? What should people expect?
_______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________
• What key objectives must be accomplished in the short term in order to move toward that ultimate goal?
_______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________
VISION MAPPING
7
Reflect: Think-Starters for Vision Mapping (Cont’d.)
• What are the core components of your business/ profession must be mastered in order for you to reach full potential?
_______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________
• What challenges do you anticipate? _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________
• What conditions must be in place to move forward? What must change?
_______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________
• When your mission is accomplished, what will people close to you see and experience? How will things feel different at that tiame than they are today? What should people expect?
_______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________
• What key objectives must be accomplished in the short term in order to move toward that ultimate goal?
_______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________
VISION MAPPING
7
Reflect: Think-Starters for Vision Mapping (Cont’d.)
• What are the core components of your business/ profession must be mastered in order for you to reach full potential?
_______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________
• What challenges do you anticipate? _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________
• What conditions must be in place to move forward? What must change?
_______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________
Reflect: Think-Starters for Vision Mapping (Cont’d.)
• When your mission is accomplished, what will people close to you see and experience? How will things feel different at that tiame than they are today? What should people expect?
_______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________
• What key objectives must be accomplished in the short term in order to move toward that ultimate goal?
_______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________
6Reflect: Think-Starters for Vision Mapping (Cont’d.)
• When your mission is accomplished, what will people close to you see and experience? How will things feel different at that tiame than they are today? What should people expect?
_______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________
• What key objectives must be accomplished in the short term in order to move toward that ultimate goal?
_______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________
Reflect: Think-Starters for Vision Mapping
Where You’ve Been
This information creates a context for understanding the business asset. Key information to document about a company may include:
• When, how and by whom it was founded ________________________________________________ ________________________________________________ ________________________________________________ ________________________________________________
• Any pertinent changes in ownership ________________________________________________ ________________________________________________ ________________________________________________
• Name the key players in your organization and their roles, responsibilities or titles
________________________________________________ ________________________________________________ ________________________________________________ ________________________________________________
• Significant events in the history of the company, including expansions, acquisitions, relocations, number of employees today, the addition of key players
________________________________________________ ________________________________________________ ________________________________________________ ________________________________________________ ________________________________________________ (Continued)
• When your mission is accomplished, what will people close to you see and experience? How will things feel different at that tiame than they are today? What should people expect?
_______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________
• What key objectives must be accomplished in the short term in order to move toward that ultimate goal?
_______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________
6Reflect: Think-Starters for Vision Mapping (Cont’d.)
• When your mission is accomplished, what will people close to you see and experience? How will things feel different at that tiame than they are today? What should people expect?
_______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________
• What key objectives must be accomplished in the short term in order to move toward that ultimate goal?
_______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________
Reflect: Think-Starters for Vision Mapping
Where You’ve Been
This information creates a context for understanding the business asset. Key information to document about a company may include:
• When, how and by whom it was founded ________________________________________________ ________________________________________________ ________________________________________________ ________________________________________________
• Any pertinent changes in ownership ________________________________________________ ________________________________________________ ________________________________________________
• Name the key players in your organization and their roles, responsibilities or titles
________________________________________________ ________________________________________________ ________________________________________________ ________________________________________________
• Significant events in the history of the company, including expansions, acquisitions, relocations, number of employees today, the addition of key players
________________________________________________ ________________________________________________ ________________________________________________ ________________________________________________ ________________________________________________ (Continued)
VISION MAPPING
3
This workbook will guide you through the process of developing a strategic, innovative, and inspiring vision. Use the following steps to guide your process:
Reflect: Give yourself time to reflect and to dream before jumping into the concrete work of capturing and articulating your vision. This creates fertile ground for envisioning a fruitful future. Use the Think-Starters on the next page to spur your thinking.
Identify core values: True vision begins with passion for an idea, as well as a deep sense of purpose. Where is your passion? What are you striving to achieve? What are the beliefs and core values that drive you? Beliefs and purpose give direction to an enterprise and to life, and thus contribute to a significant vision.
See the future: See it and say it. Translate the beliefs, the values, the excitement, the purpose into changes, actions, results at some point over the horizon. Allow the beliefs to take concrete shape.
Commit it to paper: Write it down. Refine it. Shape and sharpen the idea. Make it both concrete and abstract. Use words and images, including illustrations or other graphics. Don’t worry about making the words or the images perfect. Just capture your ideas. On page 9, you’ll find a suggested outline for the elements you may want to include in your written Vision Map. Not all the elements will apply to your vision; use what works for your circumstances. You’ll also find a sample Vision Map beginning on page 10.
Articulate it to others: Take your completed Vision Map to others, express it with all the power and passion you have. Show them the future. Tell them how you will move from the present to the future, and bring them with you. When others begin to see what you see, the chances of achieving it are multiplied. Conversely, when people can’t see what they are working toward, their motivation and commitment lessen.
potential of vision to translate into achievement by giving people hope for the future. In today’s New Wealth Economy, vision has never been more critical.3
This workbook will guide you through the process of developing a strategic, innovative, and inspiring vision. Use the following steps to guide your process:
Reflect: Give yourself time to reflect and to dream before jumping into the concrete work of capturing and articulating your vision. This creates fertile ground for envisioning a fruitful future. Use the Think-Starters on the next page to spur your thinking.
Identify core values: True vision begins with passion for an idea, as well as a deep sense of purpose. Where is your passion? What are you striving to achieve? What are the beliefs and core values that drive you? Beliefs and purpose give direction to an enterprise and to life, and thus contribute to a significant vision.
See the future: See it and say it. Translate the beliefs, the values, the excitement, the purpose into changes, actions, results at some point over the horizon. Allow the beliefs to take concrete shape.
Commit it to paper: Write it down. Refine it. Shape and sharpen the idea. Make it both concrete and abstract. Use words and images, including illustrations or other graphics. Don’t worry about making the words or the images perfect. Just capture your ideas. On page 9, you’ll find a suggested outline for the elements you may want to include in your written Vision Map. Not all the elements will apply to your vision; use what works for your circumstances. You’ll also find a sample Vision Map beginning on page 10.
Articulate it to others: Take your completed Vision Map to others, express it with all the power and passion you have. Show them the future. Tell them how you will move from the present to the future, and bring them with you. When others begin to see what you see, the chances of achieving it are multiplied. Conversely, when people can’t see what they are working toward, their motivation and commitment lessen.
And it’s never been more relevant, because vision points the way to significance. Significance is one of the indicators of success in the New Wealth Economy.
Elements of Creating Vision
The Vision Map communicates your vision in a way that is concrete and memorable. The Vision Map draws a clear picture — sometimes in words, sometimes in illustrations or Mind Maps — of what an organization or an individual will experience when the mission is accomplished. This documentation of a vision becomes a rallying point for everyone involved in achieving vision. The more vivid and compelling the vision, the more determined and energetic are the actions that follow.
Vision can be so grand that parameters and descriptions only inhibit. You’ll want to use the elements of creating a Vision Map not as limitations or boundaries, but rather as igniters of the thinking process.
Steps in Your Process
Use these steps to move from imagination to concrete expression of the biggest dream you can imagine.
•Reflect
•Identify core values
•See it
•State it
•Commit it to paper
•Articulate it to others
Visionaries build a bridge of hope from idea to action.”
Vision: A Success Indicator in the New Wealth Economy
Much has been written about the power of vision and its significance in achieving greatness of any kind. Even Scripture boldly declares the power of vision. Proverbs 29:18 states, “Where there is no vision, the people perish.”
That passage translates directly to business. Where there is no vision, the business will also perish. It will stagnate and falter and ultimately fail unless the leader knows and transmits a vision for tomorrow. In fact, my experience in business has proven to me that a key difference between leaders who are average and leaders who are great is found in the ability to create a compelling vision.
Why is that? First, a leader who has been blessed with a vision— when he or she sees clearly what lies ahead—attracts followers. People follow the leader because the leader has a vision.
Second, when people see a vision and believe in that vision, it has greater potential to become reality. This is at least partly because a well-articulated and well-communicated vision allows everyone involved to see how they contribute and connect to bringing vision to reality.
When people can clearly imagine, see and feel what it would be like to reach the destination the visionary has in mind, a significant leap has been made in the ability to achieve the vision.
Strong visionaries build a bridge to link abstract concepts to the substantial thoughts and actions that everyone can lean into for hope in these times. Visionaries build a bridge of hope from idea to action.
But vision is worth very little if it remains in your head, an idea, a dream. This is the purpose of Vision Mapping — to unlock the
Suggested Structure for Your Vision Map
History
• Historic milestones
• Key events, facilities, players)
Current stats
• Number of employees
• Revenue
• Markets
End game
• Your purpose/passion/mission
• Your exit
• Timing
Core components for winning the game
• Target market
• Leadership/key players
• Product/service innovation
• Skills to master
• Operations/systems & procedures
• Facilities/locations
• Sales
Strategies & objectives
• Growth strategies
• Improvement strategies
• Marketing strategies
• Sales strategies
• Player strategies
• Exit strategies
Conditions for success
• Required changes/improvements
• Success milestones
• Challenges
• Timing
• Revenue projections
Beliefs & values
Vision: A Success Indicator in the New Wealth Economy
Much has been written about the power of vision and its significance in achieving greatness of any kind. Even Scripture boldly declares the power of vision. Proverbs 29:18 states, “Where there is no vision, the people perish.”
That passage translates directly to business. Where there is no vision, the business will also perish. It will stagnate and falter and ultimately fail unless the leader knows and transmits a vision for tomorrow. In fact, my experience in business has proven to me that a key difference between leaders who are average and leaders who are great is found in the ability to create a compelling vision.
Why is that? First, a leader who has been blessed with a vision— when he or she sees clearly what lies ahead—attracts followers. People follow the leader because the leader has a vision.
Second, when people see a vision and believe in that vision, it has greater potential to become reality. This is at least partly because a well-articulated and well-communicated vision allows everyone involved to see how they contribute and connect to bringing vision to reality.
When people can clearly imagine, see and feel what it would be like to reach the destination the visionary has in mind, a significant leap has been made in the ability to achieve the vision.
Strong visionaries build a bridge to link abstract concepts to the substantial thoughts and actions that everyone can lean into for hope in these times. Visionaries build a bridge of hope from idea to action.
But vision is worth very little if it remains in your head, an idea, a dream. This is the purpose of Vision Mapping — to unlock the
Suggested Structure for Your Vision Map
History
• Historic milestones
• Key events, facilities, players)
Current stats
• Number of employees
• Revenue
• Markets
End game
• Your purpose/passion/mission
• Your exit
• Timing
Core components for winning the game
• Target market
• Leadership/key players
• Product/service innovation
• Skills to master
• Operations/systems & procedures
• Facilities/locations
• Sales
Strategies & objectives
• Growth strategies
• Improvement strategies
• Marketing strategies
• Sales strategies
• Player strategies
• Exit strategies
Conditions for success
• Required changes/improvements
• Success milestones
• Challenges
• Timing
• Revenue projections
Beliefs & values
Expectations
Exit Plan
Taking Back Control
Fear
Power Thoughts
Points To Ponder
Questions To Ask
Resources
Making a Personal Budget
Now it’s time to think about your finances, since they are related to planning your goal. We’ll take a look at your current income and expenses each month. Then, we’ll look at new expenses or income that may be part of your new goal.
You should know that for many people in the mental health system, talking about money is very difficult. First of all, poverty and financial troubles are a reality for many people with disabilities of all kinds. This can make life planning hard to imagine let alone achieve. Secondly, many people feel they have little control over how much money they get, or how they spend their own money.
Yet, thinking about your finances is key to getting a handle on where you are and what you need to control your own life. If possible, you should go over this section of the workbook with your Circle of Support or other people who support your financial plans. This means choosing people who believe that you ultimately should be in charge of your own money. It also means choosing people you wouldn’t mind questioning you about whether your financial decisions are realistic and make sense. As long as you trust these people, such questions can help you get better control of your financial situation.
Now it’s time to think about your finances, since they are related to planning your goal. We’ll take a look at your current income and expenses each month. Then, we’ll look at new expenses or income that may be part of your new goal.
You should know that for many people in the mental health system, talking about money is very difficult. First of all, poverty and financial troubles are a reality for many people with disabilities of all kinds. This can make life planning hard to imagine let alone achieve. Secondly, many people feel they have little control over how much money they get, or how they spend their own money.
Yet, thinking about your finances is key to getting a handle on where you are and what you need to control your own life. If possible, you should go over this section of the workbook with your Circle of Support or other people who support your financial plans. This means choosing people who believe that you ultimately should be in charge of your own money. It also means choosing people you wouldn’t mind questioning you about whether your financial decisions are realistic and make sense. As long as you trust these people, such questions can help you get better control of your financial situation.
Self Love: I am Enough. And also, You are Enough. 2/15
Most of you know a good chunk of what I do here at Stratejoy is coach lovely ladies like yourself. It’s an immensely rewarding part of my business. I am continually stretched, inspired, and in awe of the women I talk to on a weekly basis. I learn so much from my clients- probably just as much as they learn from me!Which brings me to this: Part of this authentic joy we talk so much about seems to start with truly believing and owning the fact that “I am enough”. It wasn’t something I thought too much about at the beginning of Stratejoy. I thought that our current situation, the current status of our life, was a base level to start with, to improve upon.
Self love? Self worth? I would get there eventually…
My seeking brain loved to remind me– Of course I’m not enough! I haven’t build an empire! I haven’t made all of my dreams come true! I’m don’t eat all organic! I should shave my legs more often! Tell my friends I love them! Stop watching hulu.com! My financial situation is definitely not enough! And on and on….
Well, I’m allowed to change my mind. Finding new truths is part of this amazing self-realization journey we’re all on together.
So… I am now firmly on the “I am enough” bandwagon.
Does that seem at odds with a personal development site dedicated to “conquering a crisis” or “gaining clarity for ridiculously awesome forward movement”? I think not.
Before any conquering or forward movement, we must start from a strong, loving, secure base of self worth. If we don’t believe we are deserving of a big bold bright existence, it will never happen. And what I’m finding and exploring more and more is that this self love, this ability to believe we are deserving, boils down to the ability to declare “I am enough”.
Try it. Say it out loud. I am enough.
What comes up? Do you feel like you’re faking it? Do you immediately start adding buts, or sometimes, or ifs?
Part of the time I still can’t say it. I have a long laundry list of things about myself I’d like to be “better”. I’d like to call my parents more regularly. I’d like to conquer my fear of failure. I’d like to practice yoga everyday. I’d like to be on of those girls who can sport dreads, ripped jeans, a nosering and look unbelievably hot. I’d like to stop feeling slightly nauseous when I look at my bank account. I’d like to volunteer more often. I’d like to always have a clean home, sexy underwear in the drawer, and an art project underway.
So much pushing. So many mores. When I think of that list, it’s hard for me to get behind the “I am enough” statement. But the days I can’t believe it? Those are the rough days. Those are the days when a hate email makes me break down into tears. (Yes, I get them.) Those are the days I can’t shake off the fog. Those are the days I start doubting my path.
You’d think I’d have learned by now, eh? Because the days I can say “I am enough, just as I am, right this very moment, with all my quirks and foibles, in all my ridiculous glory”?
Those are the days that rock.
I am enough. My name is Molly and I am enough.
I shall now launch into my enoughness manifesto. Not to brag or dance a little narcissistic dance in the mirror, but to inspire YOU to write your own.
I AM ENOUGH.
I am full of sparkle and compassion. I genuinely want to make the world a better place. I love hard. I practice kindness. I’m not afraid of the truth. I am loyal, adventurous, supportive, and surprising. I am a woman. I am enough. I make mistakes, but I own them and learn from them. Sometimes I make a bunch of mistakes.
I am enough. I am open, juicy, artistic, full blast. I am also vain, emotional, demanding, and looking for answers. I am a woman who is open to mysteries, accepting of miracles. I am diving in, devouring, loving, protecting, peeling back the surface of petty desires to the hunger for connection, for belief, for truth.
I am less concerned with doing things correctly than I once was and more concerned with dancing, drumming, swimming naked.
I accept that a sense of wonder is something to cultivate. I accept that I sometimes self medicate with alcohol, with filling my life full of busyness, with going into self imposed isolation. I accept that I crave financial abundance, a freedom to do what I want, when I want it. I am still enough.
I am a lover of ripe mangoes, stars in the midnight sky, stories around the campfire, the smell of rich coffee, laughing until I can’t breathe, having someone reach for my hand. I am a lover, a sister, a storyteller, a daughter, a mentor, and a student.
I am enough.
And I know in my deepest heart– You are enough too.
Permission To Fail
I remember the day I realized I could not handle being a Design Marketing major AND the situations in my life at the same time. I'd abruptly relocated to my home town just weeks before and that process was taking so much of my time and energy. Not to mention also adjusting to divorced life and single parenting. I spent hours and hours and hours of my day helping my boys understand why Daddy didn't live with us any more, and fighting with my own struggle to get my head around the concept that the past seven years were now dead, gone, and irrelevent. We were done, though that was not my choice.
I had failed.
There is nothing like that feeling. I failed to do what so many single mother's I knew were already doing successfully. Why couldn't I? I had failed at my marriage and (at the time) quiting my vices. I had failed at launching a successful small business. I failed to get a job, a real legit, enough to pay for rent and food and CHILDCARE, job. Even my physical body had failed, I was so weak I had even lost a child. How pathetic was I and how long would I be so?
Yes, it took a year- a really, really shitty year with a lot of hard lessons and grief, but now I am begining to see things much differently. The shitty year I'd had, had to happen in order to successfully accomplish my long term goals.
If the year hadn't happened, I wouldn't be healthy.
I wouldn't be as strong.
I would of been stuck in that old place of depression and overall funk.
It was likely I would never realize my potential and run with it.
The only way to go was up.
A year ago I couldn't be the person I am today (especially with newfound sobriety and respect for myself).
I didn't know any answers, but I was sure the road I was on would teach me.
And YOU can do this too, give yourself permission to fail. But how? Where do you begin? What is the fine line between permission and simply excused procrastination and laziness?
So, repeat after me. I AM GOING TO FAIL AND THAT'S OKAY, because failure is not just an option, it is an opportunity.
Declaring your beautiful imperfection is so healing; feel the weight come off your shoulders. Be confident, even in failure; if you're strong enough to fail with a smile on your face, you're stronger than you've ever been. You will be even MORE strong once you are able to dissect and implement the lessons you have learned through the process of pursuit, failure, and making a comeback. There will always be a comeback if you do not choose to quiver and allow yourself to get up and stand tall doing so.
Success is found in pulling yourself from the mire and pressing on. I find assumed failure is actually a blessing. For it closes the door to one opportunity, but in the next breath, it opens another that is sure to be your destiny. So often we assume success is lifelong, from the start of your persuit, to the end of your life. However, success is in truth, actually seasonal. You have a dream, accomplish your goal, then close the door when it's time. This is success, and you're on your way to pursuing another season of success and blessing!
'
Maybe you're thinking, *okay, okay i get it, but how do I give myself this kind of permission?"
Here's the scoop: mwahahahaha. I've created an awesome 30 Day Confidence Building "program", that will actively practice and build your inner savvy!! :) You, do inin fact, also have permission to be awesome!!!
Download the e-book here. This is the first day of the rest of your confident life.
I remember the day I realized I could not handle being a Design Marketing major AND the situations in my life at the same time. I'd abruptly relocated to my home town just weeks before and that process was taking so much of my time and energy. Not to mention also adjusting to divorced life and single parenting. I spent hours and hours and hours of my day helping my boys understand why Daddy didn't live with us any more, and fighting with my own struggle to get my head around the concept that the past seven years were now dead, gone, and irrelevent. We were done, though that was not my choice.
I had failed.
There is nothing like that feeling. I failed to do what so many single mother's I knew were already doing successfully. Why couldn't I? I had failed at my marriage and (at the time) quiting my vices. I had failed at launching a successful small business. I failed to get a job, a real legit, enough to pay for rent and food and CHILDCARE, job. Even my physical body had failed, I was so weak I had even lost a child. How pathetic was I and how long would I be so?
Yes, it took a year- a really, really shitty year with a lot of hard lessons and grief, but now I am begining to see things much differently. The shitty year I'd had, had to happen in order to successfully accomplish my long term goals.
If the year hadn't happened, I wouldn't be healthy.
I wouldn't be as strong.
I would of been stuck in that old place of depression and overall funk.
It was likely I would never realize my potential and run with it.
The only way to go was up.
A year ago I couldn't be the person I am today (especially with newfound sobriety and respect for myself).
I didn't know any answers, but I was sure the road I was on would teach me.
And YOU can do this too, give yourself permission to fail. But how? Where do you begin? What is the fine line between permission and simply excused procrastination and laziness?
So, repeat after me. I AM GOING TO FAIL AND THAT'S OKAY, because failure is not just an option, it is an opportunity.
Declaring your beautiful imperfection is so healing; feel the weight come off your shoulders. Be confident, even in failure; if you're strong enough to fail with a smile on your face, you're stronger than you've ever been. You will be even MORE strong once you are able to dissect and implement the lessons you have learned through the process of pursuit, failure, and making a comeback. There will always be a comeback if you do not choose to quiver and allow yourself to get up and stand tall doing so.
Success is found in pulling yourself from the mire and pressing on. I find assumed failure is actually a blessing. For it closes the door to one opportunity, but in the next breath, it opens another that is sure to be your destiny. So often we assume success is lifelong, from the start of your persuit, to the end of your life. However, success is in truth, actually seasonal. You have a dream, accomplish your goal, then close the door when it's time. This is success, and you're on your way to pursuing another season of success and blessing!
'
Maybe you're thinking, *okay, okay i get it, but how do I give myself this kind of permission?"
Here's the scoop: mwahahahaha. I've created an awesome 30 Day Confidence Building "program", that will actively practice and build your inner savvy!! :) You, do inin fact, also have permission to be awesome!!!
Download the e-book here. This is the first day of the rest of your confident life.
"It's Okay List" 2/16
My “It’s Okay” List
What a difference a week makes. Remember this?
Last week I was in one of the biggest funks of late. Smiling and feeling positive about not only where my life is heading but also just something as simple as making it through my day seemed impossible. I was exhausted, yes, but not just in body. In spirit, too. I felt an alien had taken up residence in my body. For someone who makes such a big deal out of really getting in tune with her true self, you can bet that I was freaking a bit.
(This was actually a really delicious banana nut muffin and definitely didn’t deserve to be freaked on.)
I can’t say for sure what brought it on but I suspect that my crazy worker/student/commuter schedule was wearing on me. Usually I am able to look around and say, hey, everyone’s got their stuff. Lots of people work and go to school. Everyone else on this bus is watching that woman over there pick her son’s nose for him with her 17 inch long finger nail (yup, really happened). Many aren’t able to stick to the workout schedule they planned on Monday because by Friday they are just way too worn down. Basically, I just know I’m not alone. The daily grind is, well, a grind! And I’ve got it made in nearly every way and all of this junk just makes the happy moments that sweeter.
Last week, though, the happy moments were few and far between. I finally had to throw up my hands and say enough. I want this crazy person pretending to be me out of my body. I want me back.
I realized that my emotional implosion was a lesson in not trying to be so damn pulled together all of the time. A lesson in how to be kinder to yourself. If you’re anything like me, you’re incredibly self-critical when you fail to meet your expectations.
I started to make an “It’s Okay” list and felt the weight lift off my chest. I could breathe again and remembered why I do what I do, believe what I believe…you get the idea. This “it’s okay” list became a mission of separating the big deals from the small beans. Some of this list likely seems totally absurd but I’ve decided I won’t make any apologies for it. That would completely defeat the purpose of the list, you know? By writing down the petty, insignificant moments that built up until I was ready to run away and never come back, I understood just how insignificant they really are. This list lets me get back to center, gain “perspective” (whatever that overused line means), and stand a little taller (although that’s not saying much at 5 feet even ;) ). I have a feeling this list-making tactic will surface again, whenever I find the workweek hustle to be crazier than I would like or if all of the balls I’m juggling come crashing down on my head.
It’s okay…
if I go to work with dirty hair. That’s what ponytails are for.
if I leave dirty tupperware in my lunch bag for three days. It’ll get washed no matter what.
if my bed never gets made. I only use it for sleeping, anyhow.
if I waste away my 40 minute bus ride staring out the window. My book’s not going anywhere.
if I don’t bring lunch and dinner to work every single day. Someone has to eat at Flour. Or from the vending machine…
if I stop at Boloco for lunch on my way home from grocery shopping.
What? I had a coupon.
if I called the fire department about my CO detector only to be told it wasn’t plugged in properly. What’ve I know?
if my undies were unknowingly sticking out over the top of my yoga pants at the gym. They were clean…
if I need a good cry sometimes. It’s good to make sure the old eyes still work…
I’ve been a bit uncomfortable with this post while writing it. I’ve always tried to be of the mind, oh, I shouldn’t complain, at least I have food and a warm place to sleep. The thing is, though, I complain anyway. Maybe It’s Okay lists mean I can get back to the place where I recognize and appreciate my wonderful life? Give it a try. Share your thoughts. And good luck getting through those alien moments. You’ll find your way again
Time Log Challenge
Time Log Challenge
Time Log Challenge
57 Questions To Spark Your Creativity
I've been roaming the internet of late to find something, ANYTHING, to get back into that creative state of mind. Maybe it's the gloomy January weather that has made me, personally, rather uninspired but I thought I would share some of these great questions and suggestions I found from multiple sources! (Beautiful Ripple Effect, Listography, Joseph Warren, Pinterest- of course, and Frugal Entreprenuer)
Where would I like to explore (anywhere in the world and beyond!)?
With an afternoon all to myself, what would I do with it?
What is my favorite spot in this town/city/state?
How does the weather inspire me?
What is the most recent small act of kindness I’ve witnessed between two strangers? How did that make me feel?
If I could have any superpower, what would it be and why?
What is my favorite genre of art? Now I should try to find a new artist within that genre and let them inspire my next steps.
Who should I ask to recommend their most recent favorite reads?
What is distracting me and how do I create a distraction-free environment?
What can I do to step outside my comfort zone today?
How can I take a different route than usual?
Do I need to declutter my mind to move forward?
What piece of my everyday routine can I challenge myself to improve?
Have I complimented my own creativity recently?
Am I relaxed?
What can I learn from little kids?
Imagine a beautiful finished product. How can I work backwards to get there?
What feeling do I want to elicit in my audience?
Are there any stones unturned in my current projects?
Have I played in the dirt recently?
Do I need help moving forward? How can I ask family/friends for that support?
What magazines can I check out that might spur me along?
What can I do to take a break from work pressures?
If I could create something with an unlimited budget, what would the end result be?
Am I organized in a sufficient manner to take on my next project?
How can I make the everyday more colorful?
What’s missing from my portfolio/home/studio/office?
What is one new activity I can do with family or friends?
If I explored a sunken ship, what would I hope to find?
What animal would I like to experience being for a day?
Think about kindergarten activities… How can I use my everyday at five years old to inspire me today?
When am I happiest?
What small purchases make me most excited?
What was my last home project and what’s on my to-do list?
Have I looked at old photographs recently?
What is my favorite family vacation/staycation memory?
What is the scope of what I hope to accomplish next? How can I break this down into smaller pieces?
Would I rather have complete freedom in creativity or a jumping board to get started?
In the past, what constraints have sparked my creativity?
What is one thing I wish people knew about me?
How can I let go of any creative pressure I am feeling?
How can I start off in simplicity and let the details come later?
Should I start out with a blueprint?
What would I do on a cross-country road-trip and why?
What areas of the world have inspired my family/friends to create or take action?
What is one material item of mine I could give away to charity right now? How was the process of determining that?
How can I wash away my own criticisms?
Can I place myself into a new environment to brainstorm?
How can I feed my creative muscles? What are they hungry for?
How can I take a kaleidoscope of all my experiences and use bits and pieces to drive new creative outlets in my life?
What does my dream creative studio-space look like?
If I lived in a black and white world, what one thing would I make color?
What is my current creative attitude?
What are my current curiosities of the world around me?
Do I have a way to log my daily inspirations? If not, how can I begin to keep mental and physical notes of these?
How can I focus on one part of my project for now?
Am I thinking too much? I shall act now and think later.
If nothing was impossible, what could you do right now to create instant
exposure for your business? Think BIG!
What can you do to gain attention or customers that nobody else has
done?
What could you offer customers that nobody else can? Be creative with
this one...
You only have $25 to reach 2,500 new customers. How do you spend your
money?
Do the following words spark any marketing ideas for your business:
Water? Flying? Colorful? Animals? Children?
How could you create such a buzz that customers couldn't help but hear
about you?
What would get YOU excited to check out a new business, venue, service,
or storefront?
Who would NEVER be a client or customer of yours? (Now, think of a way to
make them one!) How could you persuade them?
Think of an unusual promotional piece or creative "toy" that you could
give away to win over customers?
Think of a type of business, profession, or company that you would NEVER
have thought is a logical partner? Now, find a connection to do so!
I've been roaming the internet of late to find something, ANYTHING, to get back into that creative state of mind. Maybe it's the gloomy January weather that has made me, personally, rather uninspired but I thought I would share some of these great questions and suggestions I found from multiple sources! (Beautiful Ripple Effect, Listography, Joseph Warren, Pinterest- of course, and Frugal Entreprenuer)
Where would I like to explore (anywhere in the world and beyond!)?
With an afternoon all to myself, what would I do with it?
What is my favorite spot in this town/city/state?
How does the weather inspire me?
What is the most recent small act of kindness I’ve witnessed between two strangers? How did that make me feel?
If I could have any superpower, what would it be and why?
What is my favorite genre of art? Now I should try to find a new artist within that genre and let them inspire my next steps.
Who should I ask to recommend their most recent favorite reads?
What is distracting me and how do I create a distraction-free environment?
What can I do to step outside my comfort zone today?
How can I take a different route than usual?
Do I need to declutter my mind to move forward?
What piece of my everyday routine can I challenge myself to improve?
Have I complimented my own creativity recently?
Am I relaxed?
What can I learn from little kids?
Imagine a beautiful finished product. How can I work backwards to get there?
What feeling do I want to elicit in my audience?
Are there any stones unturned in my current projects?
Have I played in the dirt recently?
Do I need help moving forward? How can I ask family/friends for that support?
What magazines can I check out that might spur me along?
What can I do to take a break from work pressures?
If I could create something with an unlimited budget, what would the end result be?
Am I organized in a sufficient manner to take on my next project?
How can I make the everyday more colorful?
What’s missing from my portfolio/home/studio/office?
What is one new activity I can do with family or friends?
If I explored a sunken ship, what would I hope to find?
What animal would I like to experience being for a day?
Think about kindergarten activities… How can I use my everyday at five years old to inspire me today?
When am I happiest?
What small purchases make me most excited?
What was my last home project and what’s on my to-do list?
Have I looked at old photographs recently?
What is my favorite family vacation/staycation memory?
What is the scope of what I hope to accomplish next? How can I break this down into smaller pieces?
Would I rather have complete freedom in creativity or a jumping board to get started?
In the past, what constraints have sparked my creativity?
What is one thing I wish people knew about me?
How can I let go of any creative pressure I am feeling?
How can I start off in simplicity and let the details come later?
Should I start out with a blueprint?
What would I do on a cross-country road-trip and why?
What areas of the world have inspired my family/friends to create or take action?
What is one material item of mine I could give away to charity right now? How was the process of determining that?
How can I wash away my own criticisms?
Can I place myself into a new environment to brainstorm?
How can I feed my creative muscles? What are they hungry for?
How can I take a kaleidoscope of all my experiences and use bits and pieces to drive new creative outlets in my life?
What does my dream creative studio-space look like?
If I lived in a black and white world, what one thing would I make color?
What is my current creative attitude?
What are my current curiosities of the world around me?
Do I have a way to log my daily inspirations? If not, how can I begin to keep mental and physical notes of these?
How can I focus on one part of my project for now?
Am I thinking too much? I shall act now and think later.
If nothing was impossible, what could you do right now to create instant
exposure for your business? Think BIG!
What can you do to gain attention or customers that nobody else has
done?
What could you offer customers that nobody else can? Be creative with
this one...
You only have $25 to reach 2,500 new customers. How do you spend your
money?
Do the following words spark any marketing ideas for your business:
Water? Flying? Colorful? Animals? Children?
How could you create such a buzz that customers couldn't help but hear
about you?
What would get YOU excited to check out a new business, venue, service,
or storefront?
Who would NEVER be a client or customer of yours? (Now, think of a way to
make them one!) How could you persuade them?
Think of an unusual promotional piece or creative "toy" that you could
give away to win over customers?
Think of a type of business, profession, or company that you would NEVER
have thought is a logical partner? Now, find a connection to do so!
Once you have planned your project, turn your attention to developing several goals that will enable you to be successful. Goals should be SMART - specific, measurable, agreed upon, realistic and time-based.
A goal might be to hold a weekly project meeting with the key members of your team or to organise and run a continuous test programme throughout the project.
The acronym SMART has several slightly different variations, which can be used to provide a more comprehensive definition of goal setting:
S - specific, significant, stretching
M - measurable, meaningful, motivational
A - agreed upon, attainable, achievable, acceptable, action-oriented
R - realistic, relevant, reasonable, rewarding, results-oriented
T - time-based, time-bound, timely, tangible, trackable
This broader definition will help you to be successful in both your business and personal life.
When you next run a project take a moment to consider whether your goals are SMART goals.
To quote renowned American philosopher and writer Elbert Hubbard:
Many people fail in life, not for lack of ability or brains or even courage, but simply because they have never organised their energies around a goal.
Elbert Hubbard
SMART Goals
Specific
Well defined
Clear to anyone that has a basic knowledge of the project
Measurable
Know if the goal is obtainable and how far away completion is
Find out when you have achieved your goal
Agreed Upon
Agreement with all the stakeholders what the goals should be
Realistic
Within the availability of resources, knowledge and time
Time-Based
Enough time to achieve the goal
Not too much time, which can affect project performance
Let one anger not blind us. Our rage not stop up our ears.
Let our confusion and frustration not distract us from our path.
Learn from history. The world will not be changed by political movements. It will not tremble before union. March, but where are you now I challenge every single person about it to do. This where the rubber meets the road.
This is why our efforts often fail. We make noise, with no follow up. We expect change just because we are unhappy. No one cares if you're unhappy.
The world changes by what you put into it and out of it. If you want to stand up for our rights
Read, educate yourself
Support other women in who they are, flaws and all
Praise our differences and come together with open ears
Write to your positions, your local government, your bosses and leaders
Do not ride on the curt tails of others good works
Volunteer
Respect yourself, and demand that others do too, in words and actions
Refrain from putting yourself out there on a platter to touch and use, like the first course of a fine meal
Love with humility
Listen, not for an opportunity to voice your own opinion, but to understand the opinions and lives of others
Read, educate yourself
Support other women in who they are, flaws and all
Praise our differences and come together with open ears
Write to your positions, your local government, your bosses and leaders
Do not ride on the curt tails of others good works
Volunteer
Respect yourself, and demand that others do too, in words and actions
Refrain from putting yourself out there on a platter to touch and use, like the first course of a fine meal
Love with humility
Listen, not for an opportunity to voice your own opinion, but to understand the opinions and lives of others
.
Listen to the voices in your head which give you a litany of excuses.
Listen to the voices in your head which give you a litany of excuses.
25 Killer Actions to Boost Your Self-Confidence
Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit. – E.E. Cummings
BY LEO BABAUTA
One of the things that held me back from pursuing my dreams for many years was fear of failure … and the lack of self-confidence that I needed to overcome that fear.
It’s something we all face, to some degree, I think. The key question: how do you overcome that fear?
By working on your self-confidence and self-esteem. Without really thinking of it in those terms, that’s what I’ve been doing over the years, and that’s what helped me finally overcome my fears, and finally pursue my dreams.
I still have those fears, undoubtedly. But now I know that I can beat them, that I can break through that wall of fear and come out on the other side. I’ve done it many times now, and that success will fuel further success.
This post was inspired by reader Nick from Finland, who asked for an article about self-worth and self-confidence:
Many of the things you propose make people feel better about themselves and actually help building self-confidence. However, I would be interested on reading your input in general on this topic. Taking time out for your own plans and dreams, doing things another way than most other people and generally not necessarily “fitting in” can be quite hard with a low self-confidence.
Truer words have never been spoken. It’s near impossible to make time for your dreams, to break free from the traditional mold, and to truly be yourself, if you have low self-esteem and self-confidence.
As an aside, I know that some people make a strong distinction between self-esteem and self-confidence. In this article, I use them interchangeably, even if there is a subtle but perhaps important difference … the difference being whether you believe you’re worthy of respect from others (self-esteem) and whether you believe in yourself (self-confidence). In the end, both amount to the same thing, and in the end, the actions I mention below give a boost to both self-esteem and self-confidence.
Taking control of your self-confidence
If you are low in self-confidence, is it possible to do things that will change that? Is your self-confidence in your control?
While it may not seem so, if you are low in self-confidence, I strongly believe that you can do things to increase your self-confidence. It is not genetic, and you do not have to be reliant on others to increase your self-confidence. And if you believe that you are not very competent, not very smart, not very attractive, etc. … that can be changed.
You can become someone worthy of respect, and someone who can pursue what he wants despite the naysaying of others.
You can do this by taking control of your life, and taking control of your self-confidence. By taking concrete actions that improve your competence, your self-image, you can increase that self-confidence, without the help of anyone else.
Below, I outline 25 things that will help you do that. None of them is revolutionary, none of them will do it all by themselves. The list certainly isn’t comprehensive. These are just some of my favorite things, stuff that’s worked for me.
And you don’t need to do all of them, as if this were a recipe … pick and choose those that appeal to you, maybe just a couple at first, and give them a try. If they work, try others. If they don’t, try others.
Here they are, in no particular order:
1. Groom yourself. This seems like such an obvious one, but it’s amazing how much of a difference a shower and a shave can make in your feelings of self-confidence and for your self-image. There have been days when I turned my mood around completely with this one little thing.
2. Dress nicely. A corollary of the first item above … if you dress nicely, you’ll feel good about yourself. You’ll feel successful and presentable and ready to tackle the world. Now, dressing nicely means something different for everyone … it doesn’t necessarily mean wearing a $500 outfit, but could mean casual clothes that are nice looking and presentable.
3. Photoshop your self-image. Our self-image means so much to us, more than we often realize. We have a mental picture of ourselves, and it determines how confident we are in ourselves. But this picture isn’t fixed and immutable. You can change it. Use your mental Photoshopping skills, and work on your self-image. If it’s not a very good one, change it. Figure out why you see yourself that way, and find a way to fix it.
4. Think positive. One of the things I learned when I started running, about two years ago, what how to replace negative thoughts (see next item) with positive ones. How I can actually change my thoughts, and by doing so make great things happened. With this tiny little skill, I was able to train for and run a marathon within a year. It sounds so trite, so Norman Vincent Peale, but my goodness this works. Seriously. Try it if you haven’t.
5. Kill negative thoughts. Goes hand-in-hand with the above item, but it’s so important that I made it a separate item. You have to learn to be aware of your self-talk, the thoughts you have about yourself and what you’re doing. When I was running, sometimes my mind would start to say, “This is too hard. I want to stop and go watch TV.” Well, I soon learned to recognize this negative self-talk, and soon I learned a trick that changed everything in my life: I would imagine that a negative thought was a bug, and I would vigilantly be on the lookout for these bugs. When I caught one, I would stomp on it (mentally of course) and squash it. Kill it dead. Then replace it with a positive one. (“C’mon, I can do this! Only one mile left!”)
Know yourself and you will win all battles. – Sun Tzu
6. Get to know yourself. When going into battle, the wisest general learns to know his enemy very, very well. You can’t defeat the enemy without knowing him. And when you’re trying to overcome a negative self-image and replace it with self-confidence, your enemy is yourself. Get to know yourself well. Start listening to your thoughts. Start writing a journal about yourself, and about the thoughts you have about yourself, and analyzing why you have such negative thoughts. And then think about the good things about yourself, the things you can do well, the things you like. Start thinking about your limitations, and whether they’re real limitations or just ones you’ve allowed to be placed there, artificially. Dig deep within yourself, and you’ll come out (eventually) with even greater self-confidence.
7. Act positive. More than just thinking positive, you have to put it into action. Action, actually, is the key to developing self-confidence. It’s one thing to learn to think positive, but when you start acting on it, you change yourself, one action at a time. You are what you do, and so if you change what you do, you change what you are. Act in a positive way, take action instead of telling yourself you can’t, be positive. Talk to people in a positive way, put energy into your actions. You’ll soon start to notice a difference.
8. Be kind and generous. Oh, so corny. If this is too corny for you, move on. But for the rest of you, know that being kind to others, and generous with yourself and your time and what you have, is a tremendous way to improve your self-image. You act in accordance with the Golden Rule, and you start to feel good about yourself, and to think that you are a good person. It does wonders for your self-confidence, believe me.
One important key to success is self-confidence. A key to self-confidence is preparation. – Arthur Ashe
9. Get prepared. It’s hard to be confident in yourself if you don’t think you’ll do well at something. Beat that feeling by preparing yourself as much as possible. Think about taking an exam: if you haven’t studied, you won’t have much confidence in your abilities to do well on the exam. But if you studied your butt off, you’re prepared, and you’ll be much more confident. Now think of life as your exam, and prepare yourself.
10. Know your principles and live them. What are the principles upon which your life is built? If you don’t know, you will have trouble, because your life will feel directionless. For myself, I try to live the Golden Rule (and fail often). This is my key principle, and I try to live my life in accordance with it. I have others, but they are mostly in some way related to this rule (the major exception being to “Live my Passion”). Think about your principles … you might have them but perhaps you haven’t given them much thought. Now think about whether you actually live these principles, or if you just believe in them but don’t act on them.
11. Speak slowly. Such a simple thing, but it can have a big difference in how others perceive you. A person in authority, with authority, speaks slowly. It shows confidence. A person who feels that he isn’t worth listening to will speak quickly, because he doesn’t want to keep others waiting on something not worthy of listening to. Even if you don’t feel the confidence of someone who speaks slowly, try doing it a few times. It will make you feel more confident. Of course, don’t take it to an extreme, but just don’t sound rushed either.
12. Stand tall. I have horrible posture, so it will sound hypocritical for me to give this advice, but I know it works because I try it often. When I remind myself to stand tall and straight, I feel better about myself. I imagine that a rope is pulling the top of my head toward the sky, and the rest of my body straightens accordingly. As an aside, people who stand tall and confident are more attractive. That’s a good thing any day, in my book.
13. Increase competence. How do you feel more competent? By becoming more competent. And how do you do that? By studying and practicing. Just do small bits at a time. If you want to be a more competent writer, for example, don’t try to tackle the entire profession of writing all at once. Just begin to write more. Journal, blog, write short stories, do some freelance writing. The more you write, the better you’ll be. Set aside 30 minutes a day to write (for example), and the practice will increase your competence.
14. Set a small goal and achieve it. People often make the mistake of shooting for the moon, and then when they fail, they get discouraged. Instead, shoot for something much more achievable. Set a goal you know you can achieve, and then achieve it. You’ll feel good about that. Now set another small goal and achieve that. The more you achieve small goals, the better you’ll be at it, and the better you’ll feel. Soon you’ll be setting bigger (but still achievable) goals and achieving those too.
15. Change a small habit. Not a big one, like quitting smoking. Just a small one, like writing things down. Or waking up 10 minutes earlier. Or drinking a glass of water when you wake up. Something small that you know you can do. Do it for a month. When you’ve accomplished it, you’ll feel like a million bucks.
16. Focus on solutions. If you are a complainer, or focus on problems, change your focus now. Focusing on solutions instead of problems is one of the best things you can do for your confidence and your career. “I’m fat and lazy!” So how can you solve that? “But I can’t motivate myself!” So how can you solve that? “But I have no energy!” So what’s the solution?
17. Smile. Another trite one. But it works. I feel instantly better when I smile, and it helps me to be kinder to others as well. A little tiny thing that can have a chain reaction. Not a bad investment of your time and energy.
18. Volunteer. Related to the “be kind and generous” item above, but more specific. It’s the holiday season right now … can you find the time to volunteer for a good cause, to spread some holiday cheer, to make the lives of others better? It’ll be some of the best time you’ve ever spent, and an amazing side benefit is that you’ll feel better about yourself, instantly.
19. Be grateful. I’m a firm believer in gratitude, as anyone who’s been reading this blog for very long knows well. But I put it here because while being grateful for what you have in life, for what others have given you, is a very humbling activity … it can also be a very positive and rewarding activity that will improve your self-image. Read more.
20. Exercise. Gosh, I seem to put this one on almost every list. But if I left it off this list I would be doing you a disservice. Exercise has been one of my most empowering activities in the last couple years, and it has made me feel so much better about myself.
All you have to do is take a walk a few times a week, and you’ll see benefits. Start the habit.
21. Empower yourself with knowledge. Empowering yourself, in general, is one of the best strategies for building self-confidence. You can do that in many ways, but one of the surest ways to empower yourself is through knowledge. This is along the same vein as building competence and getting prepared … by becoming more knowledgeable, you’ll be more confident … and you become more knowledgeable by doing research and studying. The Internet is a great tool, of course, but so are the people around you, people who have done what you want, books, magazines, and educational institutions.
22. Do something you’ve been procrastinating on. What’s on your to-do list that’s been sitting there? Do it first thing in the morning, and get it out of the way. You’ll feel great about yourself.
23. Get active. Doing something is almost always better than not doing anything. Of course, doing something could lead to mistakes … but mistakes are a part of life. It’s how we learn. Without mistakes, we’d never get better. So don’t worry about those. Just do something. Get off your butt and get active — physically, or active by taking steps to accomplish something.
24. Work on small things. Trying to take on a huge project or task can be overwhelming and daunting and intimidating for anyone, even the best of us. Instead, learn to break off small chunks and work in bursts. Small little achievements make you feel good, and they add up to big achievements. Learn to work like this all the time, and soon you’ll be a self-confident maniac.
25. Clear your desk. This might seem like a small, simple thing (then again, for some of you it might not be so small). But it has always worked wonders for me. If my desk starts to get messy, and the world around me is in chaos, clearing off my desk is my way of getting a little piece of my life under control. It is the calm in the center of the storm around me. Here’s how.
Somehow I can’t believe that there are any heights that can’t be scaled by a man who knows the secrets of making dreams come true. This special secret, it seems to me, can be summarized in four C s. They are curiosity, confidence, courage, and constancy, and the greatest of all is confidence. When you believe in a thing, believe in it all the way, implicitly and unquestionable. – Walt Disney